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More machete already, mom’s speghetti

Took a needed figurative machete to my biggest manuscript this morning….8k words so far. Rewove some happenings and have to reread.

Honestly, I thought this would feel a lot worse, and more terrifying. But it doesn’t.

At all.

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In the last week

I’ve gotten good at a machete

 

like real good

So what if my learning curve involved catching one in the face?

 

I survived.  I survived a machete to the face, and then I got reeeeeeal good with one.

 

like I just took a (weak-ass) chainsaw to the backyard, and had to switch to a machete

 

I’ve shovelled and tilled the entire yard

 

thrown the refuse out

 

planted grass seed

 

….I’ve always been the sort to hate lawn-culture.   It’s not ideal.

But compared to the state of it that once was?

Yeah, I’m proud

 

You can walk without rhythm, and it won’t attract the worm.

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Yeeeeeeeeah

I’m about 1/4 through the next novel’s plot.  Word count is making me realize ….I’m gonna eat this.  I’ve been more challenged by pizzas.  Genuinely more excited to finish it than I am to hear back from Disjuncture queries, of which there are many.

Which isn’t to say I’m not excited about what’s probably going to still be a high proportion of passes

 

I’m just that excited about salvatore’s future, and connecting new meanings.

 

Over ‘n out.

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I’m #1! I’m #1!

#AScottishGuyReadMyReddit

Anyway,

real reason to post

 

I like thinking about which virtue is the best for no good reason,

and after rereading some old stuff, reading new stuff, and thinking about what I know is happening

you know what I decided?

Courage.

Courage is the best one.

I agree with Maya Angelou.  This isn’t even my idea.

Courage gives the capacity to be consistent, no matter the circumstance.

It implies that there are times there are drawbacks to doing what you believe you should

Most stories would imply that there’s a reward for that.  It’s not correct.

Courage though?

Heck, one of my favorite phrases is “The courage of [their] convictions”

so yeah.

Courage. Not altruism. Not lame-ass pacifism. Not rationality or decisiveness even.

It’s courage.

It’s valuable because, it’s what makes way for other virtues.

Without courage, the formula weighing every other value is still 0.

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Rewatching the walking dead

playing l4d2

….I guess I’m getting into an older mindset I loved.

It’s not the best blessing, but TWD season 1, was definitely a fine show.  Way better than the drivel coming out now.

Old vibes means, I’ve also been mentally reviewing life a lot.

And I do feel like a crazy person.

Not a bad guy.

The way I see it is, I was so clumsy that I didn’t man up towards multiple goals in my life before.

Life is, often a thing where you have to make choices. And when you’ve got a bit of inner greed, you might not man up to those choices.

This pride thing.

Yeah.

Food for thought.

I’ve been having a much harder time paying attention to anything lately.

Seriously, if you want more than 4 minutes of my attention…..

That’s a problem.

I don’t even feel like finishing full matches in games. I just don’t care.

I’m getting into a place where, my dopamine, my reflexes, they’re just not as sharp.  I could blame aging, but I think there’s a bit more too it.

I’m really, really, really, really, bothered that I’m not wholeheartedly behind a big decision about a character I made up.

I’m really bothered by that.

I don’t mean to agonize but, this IS one of those things I suspect

where an author’s alone.

You could get feedback, but it’s subjective.

You think pathmakers asked people in the old country which way they should go? You can’t do that with novel territory, that’s the thing.

And as for my split.

There’s entertainment, and there’s what’s intended.

I think that means I need to make changes more than sell.

But….

ugh.

Maybe I should just square off with life, and hope the next generation lives better.

#copout

I don’t think I’ll do that either

But also, I don’t know.  6am thinking.

Happiness is a slavery.

Freedom is a wander.

Being driven is the best.

It’s saturday, and I’m making taking my chemistry back to a more normal bio-baseline

yeah

just looking at a roadmap.

Food for thought.

head is fed.

Fiber is needed

for a bullshitting head.

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Oh man it’s working

 

Woke up today: went down the medicine cabinet:

 

fish oil, msm, source of gold (it’s my favorite multivitamin on earth), flaxseed oil, mct.  .4 g of piracetam 2 hours later. 1 cup of coffee (and yes I felt that.)

 

*remembers to down a glass of water*

 

Sent queries I can stand by easily after last night’s research, after reading Disjuncture’s prelude chapter out loud like an audiobook and feeling that it totally passed.

There’s something about acting on behaviors motivated by self-respect and self-improvement which makes you mighty.

Thor mighty.

And I’m lucky enough to have the nerves I do, the feels I do, and I’ve got a double edge sword bearing the thoughts I do.  (After my machete incident last week, I REALLY appreciate that phrase.)

And today they feel on.  I feel ready for rejections, ready to take on the world, and this is the dumb man in me, but I feel like I could fight anyone I have to.  Like I COULD.  (I don’t wanna. I’m also too smart.)  But….

 

Yeah I’m quite a capable guy, and I feel: focused.

 

Self-respect, head-space, realizing that my body isn’t me, but a badass machine I’m attached to? Dishapwine?

Yeah, these are good things.

I still want an agent.

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Daily Goals

2 hours of silence (keyboard clunking acceptable).

8+ hours in a row free of social media (certain messages acceptable).

Read at least 20k words a day (some wikipedia acceptable).

At least 5x as much water as anything with alcohol in it.

At least 2x as much water as coffee.

At least 6 minutes of activity inducing higher heart rate for non-psychological reasons.

One query letter.

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