Grandma passed away today.   Saw them doing chest compression until TOD was declared.


I keep going from sad, to numb, to a little mad.   This changes a lot.  She was the youngest of a big, big family, and the last to go.   Dad said this marks the end of an era, and I agree.


Red Nuts

This’s about how exposing your balls to sunlight MIGHT affect your hormones. It’s something I just read after a weird google search related to a new author’s interesting work.
“As a man on a constant quest to optimize my brain and body (including my own balls), I decided to actually look into the health effects of UV light on the genitals. To my surprise, some studies have actually demonstrated that exposing the torso or the testes to light can potentially increase testosterone. In fact, studies on the effects of light on the testes go way back to 1939, when researchers exposed various parts of men’s bodies to UV light. They found that men’s testosterone levels went up by 120% when the participants’ chests were exposed to UV light, and they went up by 200% with UV exposure to the genital area. (This was the same study former professional baseball player Gabe Kapler cited back in 2015, when he advocated for tanning your testicles in a blog post that later went viral.)”
I looked at the study, and just think that it’s possible that the gall it takes to expose these parts to sun, is more probably related to a testosterone influx, rather than some UV rays. This isn’t like how sunlight breaks down cholesterol into vitamin D, until you find the mechanism that proves that. If I went to planet fitness, and felt like I got away with hanging my nuts out in the red room, guess what? I promise my testosterone will register with a higher influx. It’s just like if I say f**k your couch, and kick your couch. But let’s not parse that out, and proselytize about beaming our nuts, instead.
I think I need to go back to school.  This isn’t how normal people spend their 5 oclocks.

In the last week

I’ve gotten good at a machete


like real good

So what if my learning curve involved catching one in the face?


I survived.  I survived a machete to the face, and then I got reeeeeeal good with one.


like I just took a (weak-ass) chainsaw to the backyard, and had to switch to a machete


I’ve shovelled and tilled the entire yard


thrown the refuse out


planted grass seed


….I’ve always been the sort to hate lawn-culture.   It’s not ideal.

But compared to the state of it that once was?

Yeah, I’m proud


You can walk without rhythm, and it won’t attract the worm.



I’m about 1/4 through the next novel’s plot.  Word count is making me realize ….I’m gonna eat this.  I’ve been more challenged by pizzas.  Genuinely more excited to finish it than I am to hear back from Disjuncture queries, of which there are many.

Which isn’t to say I’m not excited about what’s probably going to still be a high proportion of passes


I’m just that excited about salvatore’s future, and connecting new meanings.


Over ‘n out.




I’m #1! I’m #1!



real reason to post


I like thinking about which virtue is the best for no good reason,

and after rereading some old stuff, reading new stuff, and thinking about what I know is happening

you know what I decided?


Courage is the best one.

I agree with Maya Angelou.  This isn’t even my idea.

Courage gives the capacity to be consistent, no matter the circumstance.

It implies that there are times there are drawbacks to doing what you believe you should

Most stories would imply that there’s a reward for that.  It’s not correct.

Courage though?

Heck, one of my favorite phrases is “The courage of [their] convictions”

so yeah.

Courage. Not altruism. Not lame-ass pacifism. Not rationality or decisiveness even.

It’s courage.

It’s valuable because, it’s what makes way for other virtues.

Without courage, the formula weighing every other value is still 0.


Rewatching the walking dead

playing l4d2

….I guess I’m getting into an older mindset I loved.

It’s not the best blessing, but TWD season 1, was definitely a fine show.  Way better than the drivel coming out now.

Old vibes means, I’ve also been mentally reviewing life a lot.

And I do feel like a crazy person.

Not a bad guy.

The way I see it is, I was so clumsy that I didn’t man up towards multiple goals in my life before.

Life is, often a thing where you have to make choices. And when you’ve got a bit of inner greed, you might not man up to those choices.

This pride thing.


Food for thought.

I’ve been having a much harder time paying attention to anything lately.

Seriously, if you want more than 4 minutes of my attention…..

That’s a problem.

I don’t even feel like finishing full matches in games. I just don’t care.

I’m getting into a place where, my dopamine, my reflexes, they’re just not as sharp.  I could blame aging, but I think there’s a bit more too it.

I’m really, really, really, really, bothered that I’m not wholeheartedly behind a big decision about a character I made up.

I’m really bothered by that.

I don’t mean to agonize but, this IS one of those things I suspect

where an author’s alone.

You could get feedback, but it’s subjective.

You think pathmakers asked people in the old country which way they should go? You can’t do that with novel territory, that’s the thing.

And as for my split.

There’s entertainment, and there’s what’s intended.

I think that means I need to make changes more than sell.



Maybe I should just square off with life, and hope the next generation lives better.


I don’t think I’ll do that either

But also, I don’t know.  6am thinking.

Happiness is a slavery.

Freedom is a wander.

Being driven is the best.

It’s saturday, and I’m making taking my chemistry back to a more normal bio-baseline


just looking at a roadmap.

Food for thought.

head is fed.

Fiber is needed

for a bullshitting head.