Am querying the agent of my favorite author ever.
I have many thoughts about this, but the major one is that I should relax and try my best.
Before I do though, I’m gonna try this thing of reading my work out loud. Like it’s an audio book. I feel like I’m going to cringe. I think that’s scarier than querying my favorite author’s agent. That’s all I have to say atm.
Ok wait, wait, wait, no it’s not.
One last thing.
Some people interpret being nice as “let me walk over you harder.”
These people should be cats.
No it’s not the boobs.
It’s the responses, lookie there. Not every site is like this, but CNN makes this clear. You see how there’re likes (I dunno either) but then HAHA and ANGRY emojis?
So what, out of 450 people, not one of them is, as the Don would say, SAD? (I was sad for yet more muck about the good ole national identity – am I the only one?)
Are other people MAD because of the victim
and other people haha’d about the victim-blaming?
And all the smart people (note: not me) diddled their brain-thingies elsewhere? I hope so.
If this’s the case, it’s an echo chamber in a nutshell.
I just don’t care about video games anymore!
I’m not sure if it’s….a diminishing sense of megalomania….or because I got tired of the environment in which I play ’em….or change in other habits….or the fact that it’s kind of a lot of trouble to find the right people to get bewitched with….
but really, I just want to clean this fucking ms. I want to watch some good shows and movies at the right time. And I want food. I still want to browse social media too much (and I’m not even sure if it’s that I want to or have an echo of a habit) but I’m just….meh
I was playing divinity 2 – GREAT game – but it just seems like a lot of trouble to become the god ascendant. I LOVED it until I killed the in-game equivalant of a lich a couple weeks ago (TOOK ME 6 HOURS – fuck playing on ez mode) but then a funky thing happened
I got all this sick loot and gained a level or two, and since, I started ploughing through the game. Every encounter since was too easy. I keep finding stuff I wouldn’t want to use but know I should, but regardless….ploughing through the game got a LOT less fun.
I think the fun of these rp games are immersion, a little getting my ass kicked and feeling like I NEED to get better to continue. Right now, I definitely, 100% feel that with my manuscript. There’re so many mmos that when I think about playing them, I immediately think about grinding. I guess I could enjoy something reflexive, but finding the time, dedicating that energy so I can go “hahah, my digital moves did more digital damage than you did to me….digitally”
Maybe my times they are a changing.
There’re some fear centers in my brain a-tingling, and they make me feel a little alive.
Other urges are going up and down too.
It’s like I’m not 25 anymore, or something.
Anyway, I’ve learned that life where you’re not worried about something isn’t….well it’s not my favorite! I also hate fear, but it’s part of our make up. I also think something’s died inside, or I just truly don’t care a whole lot if something can’t worry or threaten.
That’s all I’ve got to say for now. Apparently one other thing I fear is fucking up my chance to sell Disjuncture by not working hard on it, and there’s definitely something I can do about that!
Here’s hoping all readers are healthy, and if not, getting healthier.
Real talk: I’m realizing more and more that one of the hardest aspects of parenting is balancing a parental bias, with hope, the urge for your kid’s highest, craziest ambitions to be realized, and having to put their negative traits in check before they become a lifelong pattern of shooting themselves in the foot. I guess I’m saying the urge to stand up for your kids can sometimes clash with the wisdom to stand up to them, and it can be quite a balancing act.
Anyway, what’s all this hubbub about how the family unit is the foundation of a great country, when it’s obvious that good parenting is the most important, most challenging thing of all?