You may be a toxic person eef:

^Word porn fun

Spending a couple days away from fiction until my proofs (and some other rewarding goodies) arrive in the mail!

I also wrote the below – mostly for fun, partially catharsis, and largely as reminders to self. Dodged a situation over the last few days that could’ve pissed me off, like a lot (same people who took over my home last year when the cat escaped wanted to do so again, but I like how I handled [see: resolved] it.)  I also want to be an even  less negative person – want whatever fight’s I fight to become good fights, and have kickass more than high volume.

So anyway, I wrote a “You might be toxic if” blah blah.  Again, it’s for fun, but, I’m paranoid cause it’s giving oneself permission to be thoughtful about negative shit, but I promise I’m not taking pot-shots. (Although, work in finance, not a perfect attitude within every family member, having had relationships  – I’m sure something below’d make someone self conscious.  Yet, life’s going great, and this isn’t an effort to devalue / shit on folks / make you feel bad.)

You may be a toxic person if:

You need dorkwads to post disclaimers about their dorkwad introverted thoughts / conclusions. 😛

Your word is your bond – unless otherwise suddenly becomes more convenient.

If you don’t get what you want, you resort to value judgement’s on a person’s principles or character. Said value judgements are chock-full of disregard or coercive assignment.

You’re actually bad at empathy, and register a constant surprise at people’s reactions.

Everyone else seems to be some sort of asshole, while you’re just someone who stands up for their self.

You expect to be treated like someone on a higher horse, or you’ll have it shit on people to prove your worth.

You can be subject to rage.

You give mixed messages, inspire curiosity or confusion, yet consider curiosity or confusion as an experiencer’s problem / shortcoming.

You don’t solve issues, identify, or tackle things that might be problems or can be improved. You focus on your emotions that derrive from them instead, and intend for the world to make you feel good for having them.

You are more familiar with the sentiment of boredom than tranquility.

As you meet new people a one-way pattern emerges: the new validate your disrespect of the old, and the old should kiss the ass of the new.

You shit-talk friends, family and former lovers, more than having anything else to say about them.

You could give two shits as to how, where, to whom, or in front of whom, if you have something to criticize.

You like other people doing your dirty work for you.

You require others to behave in specific ways in order to be happy.

You do not assert or express specific desires, and, if disappointed, start considering action against people when they fall short.

Those specific desires are rational, not emotional (but you just get really upset when people can’t see how rational you’re being.)

You repeat points you liked making which helps you dominate conversation (and also makes you feel more in control.)

You repeat points you liked making which helps you dominate conversation (and also makes you feel more in control.)

You resent when others have lived with better fortune than you.

You forget to appreciate your own fortunes.

You may feel mistrusting, and, when you do, questionable people should be treated as guilty parties until proven persecutable or innocent.

You are good for telling people how they think.

You are a failure at not crossing the line between assertiveness and aggressiveness, especially when it comes to criticism.

You never take responsibility for your own negative emotion.

Your apologies are not indications that you did not fulfill some internalized standard of conduct, but actually manipulations which come conditionally, and their sincerity are often temporary.

You have a hard time considering ways you should improve. (Honestly, look at you, at this point it’s the rest of the world that should get its shit together.)

You constantly change your narrative and tone of the same events that you share with the same people.

You rationalize violating other people’s boundaries.  (I mean, you had good reason, right?)

Not getting caught makes it 10x more likely you’ll violate said boundaries.

You are entitled because you give.

Any time you feel wronged, you don’t let go.

You are better at practicing what technically constitutes a friendship dynamic with pets, more than people.

People “playing” others is a dynamic you almost always perceive more than the people getting played do.

You look at apologies as a stance of weakness.

You take yourself so seriously that you can’t be seen being silly.  (You may also never dance.)

You require drugs or alcohol to feel enjoyment or comfort in expressing yourself.

When set off, you’re not responsible for your own behavior or things you say during.

You think meaning the worst of what you have to say justifies saying it.

You are beyond reproach or criticism.

Revenge is a dish best served by you.

You are actually more attracted to and interested in people who may act too cool for you, more than people who’re open and emotionally available.

People who are open about their thoughts seem like amazing, near-mythical beings, like unicorns. (So long as they’re not negative / possibly about you.)

You don’t let others grow, yet are oblivious to how you yourself have gotten stuck in the box where you’re sticking others.

You make bullshit excuses. When you do, part of you know they’re bullshit, but you rationalize them, and expect others to trust that you have decent reasons.

You have complexes that once made aware of, think is part of your character and something others will have to put up with.

You are competitive in the way that other people demonstrating impressive accomplishment or virtue is not something you appreciate.

You like to make rules about “real ____” (example: real women, real men, real friends, real honesty, etc.)

Your life in your private time is fills with ebbs of anxiety, hopelessness, guilt, shame, and/or the general feeling of watching paint dry.

You don’t crave the results of working to be your best at something, or have any drive to do said work.

You recognize validation in being able to give other’s the shunt, and optimal challenge in trying to change someone  who isn’t optimal for you into someone who is.

You loathe being alone.

You read or look at the world exclusively to see how it pertains to you more, and not to enjoy reading or looking at the world.

You are eager to bias a conflict without even thinking to look at all perspectives and attempt objectivity.

You don’t just get depressed/scared/angry as every normal human does at some point in their life, but when this happens, you double your efforts to act normal because, depressed/scared/angry people suck. You will do this until something bursts.

You prefer not to have close relationships with people you have sex with and avoid associating responsibility that could grow from it like it’s an STD.

You use other’s hope as a tool to test out and play their motivations in your favor.

You have not reached new milestones for new things in your life, personal improvements, or feel in any way improved over the you of a year prior.

You cheat at shit.

If you lose or fuck up, you simply can’t acknowledge how you played wrong.

You store and use other’s faults, like ammunition.

You repeat your parent’s mistakes and don’t take responsibility for doing better.

Creativity or long-term plans are things other people do.

You hang out with folks to do the same things, have an active aversion to trying new things, but look to replace the people you do said activities with as soon as things start to feel stagnating or miserable. You constantly put energy into looking for that opportunity.

Your past is a bumpy road which justifies your doing or saying things you’d loathe to have done or said to you.


Anyway, that was a fun 6am.  I’m gonna keep running with these warm and fuzzy feels that’re kicking in for some reason, and think it’s time to go finish the hunger games books.  (I don’t care if it’s YA – it’s good.)


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