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Just finished a 2 day 40 mile mountain climbing hike.

Also, my buddy is a decade older and kicks my ass at it.  He KICKS, my ASS at endurance and uphills and preparation, and, yap, the best way to motivate at getting better at something might be doing it with people who’re better at it than you.  As of now fitness kick is me.  Fucking A, marathon coming up – let’s do this.

A couple entries ago I did a diatribe about how I’m not sure inherent badness or inherent evil is a thing.  I stand corrected.  Recently, someone showed I was shown a log of messages where they were real victim and . . .extremely conniving and disgusting.  (Again, social networking exposes and rears an ugly head – but what was read, the lies I understand just downright insane.)

And, while I have a special disdain/sensitivity for people who’re mostly about putting on some kinda front – as in, people I have to do a double take, then realize their actual motivation is NOT as presented, then recognize tthe person has put energy into presenting said front more than making an ideal truth – yep, that’s a special pet peeve and, I know it’s something people do and, I know sometimes it IS mature to not try and shove yer genuine feels down another’s throat so yeah, there’s a place in not wielding your authentic emotional side everywhere.

But apparently, sometimes people are also disgusting.  Like, more than selfish – it conceals a disgusting nature which would have been quirky and special if there weren’t lies to conceal it and only reveal it to people who’re as shitty as you. So I stand corrected, and maybe a lil disappointed and disgusted but that’s less important.  There’s a point to learn here, and now I decide the diatribe before was alright natured, but naive.  Yes in most fiction, moral opacity is wonderful – more interesting than bad guys who want to be evil so they can laugh about it -, and more human than these flat, shithead characters.  But also, conniving horrible folks who have lil excuse except they’re wired that way are totally a thing. I’m now feeling that I’d be a hopeful doof wasting lots of energy if I don’t accept that.  (Like a weird guy I found myself getting angry on someone else’s behalf during le hike, and I know that’s weird, but I was shocked at finding out what this person’s really capable of and, well just ew.)

I can’t say I’ve had nearly as horrible happen to me.  Not even close.

Anyway – I’m abstaining from smoking (everything – ALL THE THIIIINGS) and you know what’s a thing I’m noticing?  This word is coming to mind during even the stressiest of times and it’s my new favorite one right now.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Equanimity

What a great word^

Anyway, great to be back.

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