For a bit. I think it’s interesting when people ask why. Like sign on for a marathon — why? Sign on for 2 marathons — 4x the why. Sign on for 10 marathons – only half the whys. Tell no one – no whys. Go to a party and stand in the corner? No whys. Stay at home for a week working on something? Maybe whys it depends. Buy a ticket to another country? Surprisingly few whys!

And this is an observation more than a complaint. But I’m going to thailand this weekend. The trip is even only half planned. Like this AM I finally got a flight back and it was one-way before. I realized I was getting tired of running and a authentic muay thai gym experience sounded way more fascinating. I also want to see if I can not get sick. I also want to see if I feel warm and fuzzy or dead inside during the festival of lights. I want to ruin mangos in nyc for the rest of my life. And nyc thai food. What if I’ve been eating the equiv of a goya general tsos my whole life. Also sorry to be racist but America is a big country of “give me a break” and American women do not always support the giving of breaks either. I realized in germany, japan, australia, denmark, and netherlands that kindness and respect and body language were all COMPLETELY different. I personally found them less demanding and angry and fear based. And my biggest gripe with american people — all people to be clear, but it also impacts a lot of nyc culture that bleeds into isolating people focusing on something — we are SO comfortable and eager to judge things we don’t understand. If something is misrepresented why feel entitled to someone spoonfeeding us the actual representation. If we suck or are oppressive we often expect people to be saintly and informative in reaction — it’s extra difficult if you are say, a black woman before white men, or an arabic man before white women — and I’m not even saying this is heirarchical or consistent just nuanced and exhausting and honestly the number of asian people who are open about asian racism makes it seem refreshing in comparison. I feel like america gives the ish end of a classist and individualistic and highly informed but underliterate technologically abundant society — it’s exhausting and I honestly just want to wander thailand with my cybernetic augmentations (drone and cpu’s) and show up to a gym and not tell them that I have any physical background at all but want to learn and see if they try to break me and if so if I actually do and then I’ll play paintball and find big glowey things and then head to chiang mai and then see how far 100 dollars goes in terms of luxury living vs a bean burrito night in fucking manhattan and it’s so low pressure to follow patterns BUT NOT HAVE TO ENGAGE WITH SPEAKING when you’re an english speaker in a nation that doesn’t speak english and I’m willing to cram myself into a small plane for 50 hours for this I kind of hope I don’t die and actually buying traveller’s insurance. Also I’m trying to be low key about this but now when I travel people usually ask what race is at the destination (probably thai and expats) and that is interesting to me and I don’t want to justify that but the bitcoin half is literally right after the day I landed so I signed up for that too and it’s a big deal if the course water is from the tap. Anyway it’s been nice knowing most of you and I hope everyone who touches this page feels a bit more motivated to be kind and fair and set goals they’re proud of meeting because earth needs more of that and I’m still trying my best to hit all of that I’d die happier if my stupid adventures had that impact on others a little. Cheers.