This is a lil personal, but just how the brain’s musing before I get to story time.

I don’t really admire a certain family member.  This makes me sadder, then cold to point out.  He’s done goofed so many times, I feel like I’m a pretty easy guy to get to know, I have a low tolerance for people who manipulate information, or subjugate it to their ego, and make that step more important than y’know . . . the integrity of information. That kinda thing drives me nuts.  Further, it occurs to me that this individual is a bit crippling and negatively critical when it comes to their finding things to say.

These are horrible things to feel and recognize.  Especially about family . . . especially when you don’t want to.  To me the word horrible gets used, cause it’s a horrible reality with folks like this that if you DON’T recognize these things – respect them, in my vocabulary – that I’ll set myself up to get screwed over and used up. It’s been a VERY clear  and consistent pattern that this is what this person does..

I’m a bit too old for “waah waah I don’t like someone society n nature predispose me to love.”  So let’s compromise and do that without the wah’s, cause that’s the case.

It’s making me think a lot about respect.  I’ve known for a lil while now that my definition of respect is different in that it’s more acknowledgement – “To show regard or consideration for.”    Most of us grow up learning respect as a form of courtesy. While politeness is a form of respect – it acknowledges that we all have feelings and opens and welcomes communication without obfuscating it with negatives – I’m still pretty sure it’s not the same thing.

Cause see, I’ve learned courtesy too.  That came with society, mock trial, and being a weirdo just trying to get along.  Also for some reason Chinese-American roommate Peter Lo was a great example of courtesy in college.  He didn’t admire many people he was still courteous too. And that, in addition to his being able to beat me at 3rd strike, and his ability to have a laugh, are the main things I appreciate about him.  Somehow he’s become one of the most judgemental guys layered in politeness, and in college he managed very well by enjoying his own time and company and not relying on others from what I can tell.   Seemed healthy, I appreciate this.

Meanwhile, dumb ole me’s been spelling it “Curtesy” until an hour ago.  The word is obviously rooted in courting.  Hooray, polite society.

Well, I like and stand by my definition.  I also think courtesy > rudeness. . . . but only sometimes.  Like I do love rudeness, I fuckin love people who enthusiastically tell it like it is, and they’re often rude.  I love my buddies I can talk smack with.  I love the ones who’re so respectable that I can make a game out of saying horrible, atrocious things and it’s just so ridiculous it’s funny.  And that’s a fuckin rude thing to do, and yet we still share the love. That’s awesome.

I also appreciate a person who’ll tell you “go fuck yerself” MUCH more than someone who’ll knife you in the back.  Like waaaaay more.  The Go Fuck Yourself person is very likely to be easier to work with, and a direct communicator, and it’s probably super likely that if they’re getting destructive there’ve been an ass-ton of warnings.  These are traits of someone who’s more likely to work with you when they’re not feeling like disregarding you (Or, or, they’re a nutter and a psycho.  Cause they’ll disregard you too.)

But what’s a point to consider – respect – is that the first definition of respect is to esteem or honor.  Many places DEFINE respect as a positive regard.

Well . . . . I use honor in that place.  And honor’s such an old school topic.  You’ll sound like a klingon or a barbarian or some sorta hoot if you start talking about honor. But that’s the word I use when I think about the type of respect most people want.

(I suspect that people who can’t parse respect and admiration also confuse profanity with cursing. Anyone who watches south park knows that there’re much greater degrees of profane behaviors and attitudes than a lil shitty fuckidy fuck fuck.)

Anyway . .  . .so I’d have to say the ultimate disrespect is pretending someone doesn’t exist. Ignoring them. Murderlize their significance. It can be, but not by definition being rude. To me, if something bothers you enough that you want to call it out, well, you respect it enough that it’s unlikability is disturbing.  That’s how I see it.

Which doesn’t mean a whole lot in the end.  It’s just a semantic argument. But I do think – and this’s the theory part I’m gonna live by as an experiment to see how it works – but I think if you respect things you don’t like, say feeds on facebook that’re filled with things that inspire dismay, but you spend so much time perusing anyway, if you constantly expose yerself to a manipulative person and respect how manipulative they are underneath their layers of stories, if you constantly respect a job that you actively acknowledge is bs on top of bs and respect the money from it that doesn’t satisfy you . . .  well I think it gets in the way of letting your brain focus on things you actually do respect.  I’d even say that there kills a lot of creativity.

Or maybe that’s just me going wah wah and doing that thing I’m not supposed to do by the age I am.   Ah well.

But the point still stands, esteem, admiration – these regards ultimately inspire more positivity.  They polarize ideals in such a way that they lift sentiment, and set it in a way that you’ll be happy to see and generate more of that.  This is one reason I really like a society with honor.   This is why klingons are motivated to do so many pushups.  Warriors have honor.  Can America go back to being a bunch of guys who were obsessed with honor and shit?  Honor > business.  I mean, business came FROM honor, not the other way around capitalists.  Gosh.

But that converse of admiration – things we don’t like? Just the opposite of positive inspiration.  I’d argue we spend our days habituating our brains about what to respect. If we acclimate towards environments and conditions that brew resentment more than admiration, well that positive inspiration is gonna be crap now, isn’t it?  Instead of approach and nurture behaviors, it’s only logical from here that you’ll end up with squelch and withdraw.

Spose that’s the major reason why I don’t spend my free time fact checking Donald Trump.

New edition of the paperback of one of my books is out again. We’re talking about updating some of the art, and it’ll affect the kindle in the coming weeks too.

This excites me much more than another big opportunity tomorrow – and I’m not 100% sure how to balance all these feels, honestly.

I’m really not 😮

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ota_Benga

Not heartwarming

that this happened. It honestly didn’t so I could brag about it, but it still also makes me feel warm and fuzzy, and is being re-posted for posterity:

P.S.   Nope, also still not a fight song.

Moloko is AWESOME

Am kinda formatting the smallest things in a great story so that it’s readability is masterful, but lately most books I’ve read are CHOCK FULL of typos.  Like lots. And that’s ok, cause you can attune yer mind to pay attention to plot.

I’ve dealt with some tiny people and tiny issues in ze past.  But I’m also a little weird too in how I’ve dealt with ’em.

Embracing a cause bigger than one’s self is still an important main theme of disjunck’cha

Netflix is good for comedies but much more is usually meh.   The stuff that makes people go to netflix is the same stuff that makes people forget that alternative music exists.  It’s not that alternative music is “everything else sucks and I’m a snob.”   It’s that alternative is “HEY THESE RHYTHMS SOUND REALLY GOOD TOO!”

I used to know a bunch of dirty jokes, but now my main go to is about Bee’s that make milk.  Hum hum.

I’m pretty sure GOOD JUDGEMENT is the main lesson of game of thrones.  Screw morals, resources, etc.   If you don’t practice judgement that ensures the survival of your own and those you care about, consider yourself brutally butchered.  (Except for Danny.  Yeah, I hate Danaerys, and think she’s a hypocrite and tyrannical whore.  It’s not that she’s a chick, it’s that she’s a horrible leader who’s responsible for most of the deaths of her underlings. I’m also pretty sure she has the highest kill count of the series, but besides language, has yet the lowest skill set.)

Me likey sunlight.    This is weird cause I’ve always identified as nocturnal.  Maybe I’m just supposed to be  a happy individual and make the best of my circumstances? Fak.

The gay guy on the netflix EMT show is my favoritest gay man yet.

I miss alternative music.  Seriously, with the overwhelming number of music access options – I think alternative is being left in the wind.

I like that phrase left in the wind.

Horse psychology – the stuff that explains why it’s GOOD to be stern to a horse, explains a lot of gamers.  Thanks Phill for that one.

Did I mention Moloko is great?  Jamie Collins is frikkin legit too.

V8 + cayenne pepper + olive brine + lime juice has got to be one of my favorite drinks.  Weird sounding, and not for everyone, but it’s so fucking good it makes me cry and when I drink this in the presence of people I think the phenomona should be called “gustotorially disturbed.”

What if splurge sounds like spooge for a reason.

I’m weird but a lot of people call it smart.  I don’t know what to make of that except leverage sometimes.  Yet I’d much rather enjoy being weird than do that!

My hero used to be Jim Halpert and Napoleon, but now I think it’s J K Rowling and Sly Stallone.   (Even if sly today’s a lil questionable.   Stop making veiny muscles, man. It’s weird in rocky sequels that shouldn’t be)

Victoria’s Secret catalogs are RIDICULOUS.  LADIES, BEWBS ARE IN.   YOU SHOULD NOT FEEL BAD FOR HAVING TOO HUGE BEWBS IF YOU’RE A B-CUP.

Actually, there’s no one body type men like.   This seems hard to grasp – and I don’t know why.   Men like a shitload of body types.   As in, if my gender had it’s say, we’d have variety with appreciable stability.  We don’t want ANY catalog gal as our only type – that’s actually kinda “ghey”  – my entire species wants to have its way with beauty, and that does come in many forms.   For that reason, you can’t pioneer any one body type and expect it to go over well to a raving applause – that’s insane.  Men and women may have to accept that being a fun, good person, is more attractive than any body.  And yes that’s a pon, and yes pun should be spelled that way.

Roison Murphy is legit too.

There are a lot of ridiculous people out there who’re ridiculous cause they’re backlashing for feeling like minorities, and that’s super sad.

I’m coming to a phase where alcohol > THC, but I’ll never, ever forsake thc completely.   That stuff leads to private enjoyment too much, and I think private enjoyment is one of the keystones to an individualistic, perfect life.  I really hope we evolve into a nation where acknowledging things like that isn’t taboo.

I like that word “taboo” a whole lot, and it isn’t because of the movie series or card game.   There’s a lot to be said for ideas that become taboo.

Some people are grown under fucked up parents, and it’s really tough cause it puts them into a state where unless they have genius elements – unless they can generate ideas that’re novel to them – they’re going to perpetuate that system they came into consciousness in.   Meaning, if you can think of novel ideas, if you’re a creative person, take pride, there’s always hope.   But if you give in to telling yourself you’re not creative, you might wanna accept that you’re gonna perpetuate what’s around you, and possible seek therapy from a creative therapist.   I know that’s a douchey thing to say, but I think creativity means exploring options and doing what you think is best.   That’s why you want a creative bartender.  That’s why you want a creative parent.  What you don’t want is a toolbag with idealizations to devalue you against, who can’t see outside that box.

Red hair and green eyes is one of the most interesting combinations to me, but red hair and blue eyes still remains by fair, the most statistically improbable phenotypes, and that’s amazing.

I might have the ability to recognize Portuguese and Irish people and identify them as such instead of just labeling them “white.”   So far in 2016, I’m on a 100% streak with this.  Oddly, I identify as Portuguese cause of my Granny and Irish because of my dad’s dad the hardest, and that’s a lil kinky considering my actual make-up.

Narcassism is a key personality trait!  Like all of ’em, it’s a power, but it’s also a hinderence, and for that reason we might wanna consider it a feature of a human.  And yet for all my fascination of that word, I still don’t spell it right on the first try!  Wtf Eric.

If you’re a male and think your father might be a narcissist (oh, I did it right that time.  Yey.)   You might want to make it clear that you’ll fight after drawing a line that shouldn’t be crossed.  One tendency of a narcissistically driven person is to idealize people in a way that makes them a perfect creature as the subordinate to you – this is actually how a narc tendency can develop into pathological personality.
As in, a person is your ideal vision them if they’re some sorta pandering sub, and that’s not how people actually evolve.  As a parent, having a child that shows promise to your narcy end-goals for them is the result of that.  Yet kids grow up.  They do things like get smart, educated, wiser, and also, bigger, if you feed ’em right and got lucky with a solid mate.   So the PROBLEM with thinking narcassistically is that you twist their compromises and nicer natures into subbordinations, and move on without appreciating that person for who they are.  And following this kind of twisted logic . . . if the child offers to fight, and the narcy parent realizes they DONT want to fight for fear of losing, this nervous response FORCES the parent to question why they’re afraid of their subbordinated child.   What happens after is complicated, and there might be a few ways that can play out, but IF the offspring stands their ground in an intimidating fashion, and expresses reasons that their ground must be stood which are appealing, what MAY happen is the creation of a new ideal of that offspring to envalue, and not devalue them against.  Long story short, just consider the option that you DO have to look your narcy parent in the eye, let ’em know you won’t take their shit, be ready to fight with superior force.  If they recognize it, and if they have the option to team-play with it, they’ll join your team.   That actually seems to be how narcs work, if they don’t completely cut you out (and they won’t if you’re still an asset, and if you’re human, a child SHOULD be an asset to the elder.)   I know this is ridiculous, but there may be a time for some  to acknowledge they have to fight, and not cooperate with, a parental leader.

^This is all a personal theory tho, and healthy families probably won’t do this at all.  Goals for the next time  😛

Asians are NOT a people, yet the consideration of “the asian people’ = damn interesting.

I like being a nut more than I like it as a verb.

My parents (both, lol) and family is strange but SUPER legit if you know how to deal.

I need to go back to learning woo-ha karates.  Or martial arts rather.   When no one gets hurt – sparring is fun!

I can type as fast as I speak and this makes publically narrating how I’m hacking people’s facebook accounts to post bogus statuses much more enjoyable.

Revenge is a dish best served cool ‘n spicey. But even that phrasing means you’re catering to a diner.

If you take yourself super seriously, at least learn how to enjoy dancing goofily (lol on that note – I invite you to youtube “millenials on molly”)

Feeling chill and free is one of the greatest luxuries to a human.

I’m done.  Time to get to work – I don’t care that it’s saturday.   And on that note:

Quick sum of the idea I keep playing with lately:

It’s not that anger makes people dumb.  In fact if you support a stoic way of thinking – anger’s got a hell of an important function, and sometimes it can even help us make the “right” decision.

The thing is that anger, mad, and most of it’s variants makes us shrewd.  Politicians use it in rhetoric all the time to rile people up and create that in-group out-group polarity, and brand themselves as the leader on your side.   Anger makes you tunnel in on that which needs to be fixed, destroyed, corrected, etc.   It’s usually destructive – although sometimes we get angry at destructive/non-constructive tendencies, so that paradigm’s irrelevant.  I don’t care that anger’s usually destructive.

What I care about is how it channels and lasers people.  Anger takes those emotional circuits of our minds and makes us unable to do anything but think about a topic in a certain way, and it programs us to induce reasoning more than deduce the actual reasons for a situations.  These are necessary sometimes because, we don’t always pay attention to the best of things – this’s like a hard-wired safe-guard from nature that makes us SURE to focus on what’s important to our apparent survival.

But maybe there’s a better option.  If you’re truly evolved, you’re probably emotionally attuned to everything and perfectly adapted, OR, you’re able to reason through most of your life.  I could see it either, way, less important.  What’s key, and what’s pulling the trigger on this whole thinking is the realization that we CAN decide not to get angry.  I’ve been doing this lately with GREAT results.  I still get things fixed, and the issue is much better handled. Which made me go “dur hur I wonder WHY a human would evolve to be able to turn off their emotions when they could say fuggit and give in to easily getting fired up – like there’s evolution in being able to inhibit that excitatory emotional response like no other.   And I appreciate that added layer of complexity – it’d be easier for nature to wire a man to fly off the handle or just not have to.  Obviously, the choice is a specific feature.

(No I don’t think we always have the choice.  I just think we do more often than we think – we have the choice to get fired up about half the crap on social media, politics, what was said, what we think was said, devaluing others against ideals – these are often CHOICES we subconsciously make.)

And what I’ve realized is, when you get mad or angry at something, you do kind of elevate it’s significance.  You say, “My existence incorporates you to the point where you’re an obstructive issue which must be corrected.”   It’s not that you should be above anger, it’s not like your world should be bigger than items which aren’t ideal – that’s fuckin crazy – but it’s that when you CHOOSE to get fired up, you choose to give your existence and laser in on it.

I have some anecdotes I won’t get into of some pretty naughty kids.  The thing is, the key word in that sentence is kids.  I could even say fuckin’ kids – and you’d tell by my tone that the operative word is kids.   My life doesn’t involve kids, not right now.   And that there, is why I’m more disdaining than angry at the memory involved with this anecdote.

The point is, this’s a great reason why not to choose to get angry at cruz or trump (or insert politician of your anti-choice here.)  The man specializes in incediary campaigns and manipulative rhetoric – if you were to attack them, you make the premise of your attack your talking points.  And what sucks about that is you won’t get other talking points.  You won’t get peace of mind.  You’ll become shrewd and shortsighted.  You’re much easier to manipulate, trick, or explode into decisions you don’t want to make.   Again, it’s not that anger is a bad thing, it’s that you have to be choice about approaching things which resonate with things that make you mad.

I spent a day writing comedy this month, all I’ll say is, I don’t see how Jon Stewart can look into that which pisses him off and still find the humor in things.  For that, he’s a fuckin’ champ, and either a laser-savant, or some sorta super duper smartass.

I obviously think the later.

(Crap I meant this to be a much quicker sum.  Back to it I go.)

And intend to get back in the habit of doing this every day.  (I usually troll the web and slack off for a couple hours, but think waking up and going is what the best professional does in anything.)

And I’m rekindling why I like this book so much, would like to summarize a vein to its heart

“And as he calmed, his rationalize side remembered pleasure in seeing what Amir did after dashing ahead like that. It was proof positive that Amir agreed the other MITs were ridiculous, and that he was the sort who’d go against odds for that belief.

That people who’d actually fight for something besides their self existed.“