Wait, I think I get it.

I’m going to try to articulate it, but I might not do a great job.

I kind of revel in saying fuck it and it’s not that i like cutting folks off

but I sure like not being hooked on to other peoples bs

here’s a thing I realized lately, it’s just an example, a token and not the point

I dislike my body this year

I just do, I could go into why, but if i were to share this detail

people would be all autistic and like WHAT HERE ARE THE RULES FOR IF YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO FEEL A CERTAIN WAY ABOUT YOUR BODY

and it won’t move me and that will annoy them

some might double down and go
BUT YOUR TALL

and that is way less cool than the conversation with the person who might go “why”

and that second person is more likely to be the professional therapist than the normal person

which blows my mind because therapy classes should be unnecessary for curiosity

curiosity delays and sharpens judgement you know

Anyway

I have some thirst trappy pictures where I should have liked my body, and what’s funny is I didn’t like it then either

angles and lighting and having some gifts are one thing

anyway

all I’m saying

is not having to relate my feelings and goal is a certain kind of free

training is isolation is much nicer than training with MOST of the hashers for example

which is weird because I’d think a running group would be encouraging

but nope

most of them suck at running

and that means they’ll drag the above average person

and all I really ought to do is make em irrelevant

I’m going to water my garden and go to bed