Izziz some mojo back?
It’s one of those things that’re chicken or the egg. I’ve started going to pretty areas like the UWS a lot more, and it’s the type of thing that’s making me a lil more proud of new york. So far, UWS seems more peaceful and clean than the sprouting bubs in BK. It’s weird too, because some things are cheaper than brooklyn. (Oranges are important, people.)
NightRoof. The area’s different by day but I still like a waterview.
The thing about these mecca-spaces is that they’re also a long trainride. To suit, I randomly picked up NON-fiction and . . . it’s giving me a lot to think about. Colder-analysis-me has been surfacing again. It’s, distant. Dettached. Smarter than the way I normally take on. (Although of course my dumb ole head has to consider and consider and consider personality and what makes for emotion and such. Realized some other ways I’m weird. And lot of it I like, and I think the rest is tweakable.
I feel like I’m pretty awesome. Not the bestest evar (yet) but have a lot to offer and enjoy. Stay tuned.
But things aren’t bad at all! Reasons are, reasons. I learned how to some new shit, am doing a great job at some other things that’re important to life, and it’s nice cause I don’t need to say it, and people don’t need to tell me it.
I’m also being a little less open at work, and I think that’s cause it’s professional and smarter and gets me less involved in dumb ways, and have been making and enjoying random conversations at work that aren’t about work during down-time (and I think I can cause, I do a damn good job? And I mean a damn good job) I don’t feel like I’m just contributing to systems that might just go away and say thanks without anything really more in return. (Yes, that’s regarding work.)
It’s also ermazing getting boosts of support in things that really matter to me (FEEDBACKS ISH YESH.) This’s about disjuncture but I also see it as in general – good feedback makes me see beyond my shrewd head and wanna do better. And, even the running, and my weird new breakfasts seem to be have effects.
On top of that, there’s physicality – even one of my favorite dudes at the office noticed my clothes are fitting different, it’s kinda nice waking up and going “ohcoolmysixpackisback,” and yes it’s real nice when cute tall gals like to make eye contact and smile at you first. Won’t lie, the first one made me grin and take a step funny.
I know this’s just a mixjunk garble of I – but I feel like the sun’s shining in nyc. And maybe this sunniness is making me AND people easier to deal with. And I really like, well not all, of this book I’m reading, but I like the fact is it’s stimulating and calming and that feels good <– I really like that. Haven’t done that in a while. And it’s probably the case that I’ve been engaging in too much garbage, and better thoughts, good company, good times, honest realities, and just a lil fucking self respect in the form of taking care of one’s self – yap. Hell yeah.