Oh man, I did need another gramm read and it IS important to get your head out of a baby you believe in to get better perspective.  (That’s about disj)

Editing on a mac sucks, but having guy-pals who’ll accommodate and let you use their place as a writer crib are great.  Also really appreciate how intense the story and writing is again (yep, humble is me.)  It’s weird, there’re small notes I didn’t realizecome up in a character’s aspect of something that, hmm.  Hmm!

The grammar needs tweaks, but the story is still solid, except for 4 scenes that need revisions.  I’m identifying content changes that I’ll refine, and there’s some wisdom and dialogue rants (characters pontificate, oops) that need to be cleaned.   Side characters now mean more to me than Cyrre. Action for the sake of action is NOT a main draw – even tho I was intending to use action tension as a device when I felt things got more . . .talkey.  However, I really like the action too, but remain surprised at how that can feel as stimulating as the more . . cerebral stuff right now in novel.

This is edit camp to me. Glad to be here, it’s mine with work that I have to own!  Here’s something else I have to own, haven’t work one this as hard I needed to to make it what it could be, and there are many reasons for that.  The main thing tho is, working hard can be hard to do, and I aint done yet.   This is a story full of of stuffI’d be a big ole butthead to quit hammering away at.  But it’s also like, zombie flicks.  Better to believe in your own judgement cause you can’t try to get all your folks to agree a great zombie flick is great, since, you’re making them watch a zombie flick, and that’s got a lil bit of commercial niche in it.   I’ve been a kid less than a writer in hoping people to appreciate the drive, before. Whoops.

It’s still my manbabeh tho.

(just finished an editing spree and AshyPashy is now providing goods + tuscany wine before chills and I’m excited – can’t ya tell?)

Some people may not appreciate too, and that’s even ok! But I hafta wonder if the one’s who don’t, as if until $$$ing I’m a better use to society being an excel minion when things really could be automated, is cause they don’t understand why the process can be like pushing a boulder carefully uphill while dosed on SO MUCH CAFFEINE and think I’m some sorta trust funded LA DE DAA, INSPIRATION AND ME IS SO GREAAAAT, TRALALALA, TRALALAA.

Rather than interpret their projection of how they’d be if they were in my shoes (I think that’s what’s happening) I’d rather people understand 1) something in me’s hungry, fuck you, and 2) I’ll feel like it’s a big sacrifice and letting something go to waste if I don’t spend the time it takes to do this right or at least know I tried every which way with absolutely zero excuses. Fortunately, last year isn’t a waste, time is manageable, and good folks rule

P.S. On rereading this, why do I have a voice inside that wants to go “Your mom is a boulder to be pushed uphill while on a shitload of caffeine.”