https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7apYcBfRQA – Got dat Mewtwo.


More awesomely, 19 pages of this current disjuncture edit left!  I’d be finished today in a second, but I have to put that on the backburner until at least tonight,

for I have to put a gaddamn slideshow together for my sister’s wedding and get ready for Chi-town.  That first part I volunteered for strange reasons, and the show (which ofc I’m doing as a video) would be like….9 minutes, but now I’m getting the request for 15 minutes. I’d love to go OD and make a silly music video but that’s also really, really time consuming, and I have to remember there’s going to be lots of friends and family just staring at a screen.  What we really want is a connection that blossoms into memory and hopefully laughter.  The whole goddamn wedding is going to be people going “awww” and “yay” so while a slideshow can be a good primer, I also wanna make people chucklol.

This want has lead to a hesitation in drive and motivation.

I caught the phrase “Creativity is intelligence at play” during American Vandal, and while I like that, I’m not sure.  Playing is a fun-directed behavior.  I think creativity is usually fun, but if you’re professionally creative, it’s not play, as much as playing out.

But the idea of play is a great start, and here’s why:

Honestly, I’ve done my most writing when a little unhinged. I’ve learned that for that reason that creativity, at least for me, is very stifled when mastery is expected.  It’s true – except for REALLY specific weird things that I can do quickly and to music – I kind of NEVER expect a mastery orientation from myself.  It’s all a performance thing – doing my best.  Even during that goddamn global agenda tournament, I never once expected to win, I only expected to try my best and see if that was enough.  I believe in dawrinism and that there’s ALWAYS someone out there better than or superior to you — the difference to me, really is in the intelligence to put yourself in a seat where your strengths matter. So …even with bartending, I never expected to implement a mastery orientation at anything (“I’m gonna own dis cause I’m da best”) as much as maybe learn, and perform, and improve.

So I’m rambling to my main point: I’m pretty sure giving yourself the PERMISSION to be imperfect, for lots of people, leads to closer perfections.  That permission enables you to ask yourself how you can improve, rather than compelling you to beat yourself up at a shortcoming. I don’t want to get too new agey and talk about how stifling your inner child is terrible for creativity, because IMO living as your inner child is stifling to good editing/self-editing.  As usual, balance, and trying optimally becomes our best answer for the best we can do.

So while this feels like a HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT, because I’m invested in this slideshow in a very specific way that isn’t all-in, I wanna procrastinate and procrastinate.  I’ve only got my ducks lined up and I’ve gotta figure out how to shoot them.  So that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

But honestly if it’s not the greatest slideshow ever, it’s still going to be full of love and far superior to no slideshow ever.

And that’s how I make a public favor feel not daunting, and just a matter of effort.


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