^This song is the exact opposite of depression. I mean it, Nathan Fielder’s inner “ZIP-ZOP” contrasted with his face, and I think that’s about as opposite to how depression affects people as I can figure.



Anyway, humility time from me, Ericthebest

I remind myself that I am probably not the best at anything. I know, this isn’t very believable considering lots of things, and people like to assume that those who act confidently, or try their best, have their eyes on the pay-off.

But this is the difference between a performance-orientation and a mastery-orientation that I think’s so crucial.  Any game you play on a wide enough scale will teach: there’s ALWAYS someone out there better.  ALWAYS.  They might be hidden, they might be undertrained or unrecognized for whatever reason, but in zero-sums, you don’t look out for #1, you push yourself as hard as you can.

So back to that paid global agenda tourney ez example: there’s something I never expected to win. I expected to do my best.  And when shit hit the fan and crunch time came, that was all we needed to trigger us to fight like honeybadgers. One could argue stuff like best person in that position at that time, but best is irrelevant.  Rather than THE best, a person’s best and what is sufficient are the two factors that come together to be relevant. Sometimes that’s enough, and I feel like we got lucky because, in our case, it was enough.

I constantly find things to idealize from that tournament because it’s about as positive a result to draw from trying your best while accepting you may not win as any.

So on that note: I’m still in talks about getting my big baby of an m.s. published.  I do have a feeling of, it’s soon or never, and this is largely because what’s futuristic is so….fluid right now.  Like the actuality of self-driving cars.  Or like how Saudi Arabia recently declared a robot as the world’s first AI citizen.  (Although, Saudi Arabia has also been historically spotty about its equity of human rights, and there’s something to be said for that.) It’s interview is surreal.  So, we’ll see if my story is enough to be sufficient.

But I’ve given, and still giving my best.  The publishing side of story making is a business that’s different from the actual book writing itself, so we’ll see if my gifts and shortcomings are sufficient. Along with a bit of luck, That’s how it works. But I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I’m doing this for what I know are the right reasons.  Whether or not I crack some ceiling is not always question of should I have thrown my head at it, or done what it takes to do that.

And still, of course I’m pretty proud. I suppose I’m usually one of those dicks who knows when they should be. And again, the actual point there should be no letting that lull me into complacency.  I even got one of the shittest rejection letters of all time last week, and I mean: I can take rejection, can take criticism, and can take both of these happenings then use them to strengthen or drive my stuff better, but wow, what an unprofessional shitty rejection. I’m gonna keep that.

The point is, success from jobs performed hard – where I learn it’s sufficient – stimulate a lot of serotonin and not dopamine for me, and by that I mean just knowing what I’ve done doesn’t just make me crave more, or the reward.  It makes me feel comfortable in knowing even if I’ve wasted so much time and money, I got farther than I knew I might already.

I’m not always driven, and when I am, I’m not always comfortable with the results.  (Actually, I suppose I’m usually not if I’m tweaking a thing.) In this case though, I’ve learned a lot to take with me and maybe even teach.  It makes me content still in a way cheesy way in between zip-zops that’s perfect for heated rooms.




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