Jaidree, two friends, and I were at Grand Central, and my mom came but it was too crowded
And I tried to get her to follow, but she identified a wrong person as part of our group, and some protesting crowd made things too hard, and was too loud, and somehow she was too fast and she couldn’t hear me go nooo so she split the group
so I was frustrated that we got so separated from the main party, and mom couldn’t understand that the guy she was following totally wasn’t with us….the chaos was like a donald trump protest
so it was me and her
and I kept trying to call Jaidree, but something weird kept happening EVERY time I tried to press to her number, it was like someone would bump my hand, so I couldn’t call straight
and then mom said “here” and handed me a flip phone (lol) but on it, I couldn’t find Jaidree’s damn number, and then after getting more frustrated, I looked up and mom wasn’t there. Lost in the crowd.
So now I hate this crowd. They’re blocking everything, and going around them seems like so much jostling, I actually decided to climb a crane over them.
next thing I know, for some reason I’m jumping off a crane to get into a skyscraper because, I’m determined, (clearly) to not go into the crowd of protesters, who I still super hate.
but there’s a problem: it turns out the skyscraper is full of people who are puking green gakt, and turning into zombies. Very 80’s bad special effect zombies
but it’s ok…ish…..because (clearly) walking dead style, I can take a hard object and whack ’em on the head. That’s how it was.
But there’re too many, I end up in a clear glass office, and then eventually two other people bang on the door to join, and I let them (but one of them’s bitten) and more and more zombies start swarming this glass office, and I start to feel DA FEAR for the first time. It’s that moment where I realize how few alternatives there are besides, being eaten. But then I get pissy again. I got us and me in this situation. I want to get us out. Hard. But more and more bad 80’s zombie are puking neon green gackt at the windows at us, hungrily
I try calling again and again, and finally get mom on the mechanical button phone.
She says she’s at some party at carnegie hall….I don’t have the heart to tell her I’m kind of fucked, so I tell her I’ll be there as soon as I can. That’s kind of true.
I get an idea, kill all the lights. Now it’s dark. The second they can’t see us with their dead-ass eyes, they go into random zombie-over-here-mode. Over time, half the zombies have wandered away.
That’s enough. There’s space to move between them now, and swing.
I look to the group like an even worse 80’s hero and say that we’re ready. We grab the hardest objects we can, and unfortunately, mine’s an empty plastic potter.
But that’s enough.
we whack our way through, but we all get bitten on the way, and the door with EXIT over it is too blocked. So we jump out a window, onto a nearby skyscraper’s roof, and ride another cable to the street level. Logically.
Because of this ordeal, we have now bonded, we believe we’re going to die, we’re all like “fak!” and I say “not like this.”
I somehow know there’s a weird construction platform, surrounded by a giant hole that goes into the subway, I push through, am followed by the other three, and descend until I’m on a ladder of a giant square platform, with a giant hole that plunges into god-knows, but it’s a big fall
my logic is that if I turn, I’ll be so stupid that I’ll fall, I won’t turn anyone else. The rest of the group sits with me. It is anime
but then it gets even MORE anime because we will ourselves out of the transformation. Somehow we survive,
and after sitting for what feels like ever, the urge to throw up green gackt goes away. We are saved. I can visit my mom who, clearly, is still waiting at carnegie hall, because #DreamTiming.
Well waddyaknow, there’s the subway. While sitting on that big square platform, with it’s massively long ladder, we’ve heard trains coming and going, so now I say my goodbye, and descend to get a free ride.
On the way upstairs from subway platform, I bump into my old english teacher, Ms. Lerhman, she is happy to see me.
She tails me to carnegie hall for some reason. Mom bought me tickets, which turn out to be drink and meal tickets. Little red cheap raffle tickets that are symbolic and usable. I figure Ms. lerhman can tag along as long as she can because I like her, and how can she have a problem with Carnegie culture?
At the party, something lavish and groupy, I find my mom is seated, by herself, and I say I’m gonna get a drink. After the zombies that I don’t want to tell her about, I certainly feel I’ve earned one. She says sure, so I go to the lower level of this grand Carnegie party. For some reason no one else is there except one red-vested bartender. I’m famished. I’m also thirsty. I point and ask the bartender what does he have on shelf — and by this I clearly mean, what are these classic cocktails in front of him. He spends an inordinate amount of time explaining the drinks, and they’re not ingredients I understand at all, but they all look lovely, and all I know is the first one is a spritzer. I want the one that’s in a clear solo cup, he says no problem, and after looking up, I look back down to the tray where, mysteriously, all the drinks are gone.
He says “FUCK, AGAIN!” and rages out and gets really shitty at his job. He walks away, yelling about some guy named Harold, and annoyed (it feels like it’s been 15-20 minutes at this drink station) I reach over, grab this bottle of the blue stuff, and some clear spirit, and make my own drink, and I also eat his hero out of revenge. It is meaty, melty-cheesy, and delicious. He comes back, and gets fixated on finding his sandwich and this makes him even shittier about his job. I realize I have one more drink/food ticket, and somehow, am still starving.
The entire rest of the party gets in line behind me the second I grab a plate for the buffet, and this doesn’t seem weird to me. For some reason, the evil ninja woman from skyscraper is leaning over and narrating behind the scenes things to me and shittalking the guy who threw the party. I feel like she is being flirty, and putting me in some in-club, I nod politely and smile, as I don’t want her to notice that I’m making the HUGEST plate at their buffet, and filling it with deliciouses like salmon, poached eggs, different steak with savory sauces – and one noodle. A lot of the buffet trays have tons of meaty, noodle dishes, and I’m scooping the meat, and taking one noodle. Skyscraper villainess does the same.
Because the line is so long, I am so thorough with loading my plate with a massive amount of food. This takes what feels like 15 more minutes, but I delay gratification. I keep thinking soon, at last, I can sit next to mom, with this sweetass blue cocktail with its fancy blue ingredient, and with this mega-buffet plate done my way. And the evil ninja does notice. But that’s ok, because she’s still building a plate EXACTLY like mine…until I steal the last salmon fillet. There’s one, and like a the last nyc subway seat, I take it and feel something like ‘that’s damn bad.’
She says “is there no more salmon” and for some reason I put my plate down for a second and look up to act like maybe that shitty bartender, who’s now rage-smoking a cig in the corner, knows where to find more.
When I look back to my plate, everything is gone except the poached egg.
And there is a fat man, with bulging eyes, and his mouth is full of everything else from my plate, he is chewing madly
I am enraged
I yell DAMMIT HAROLD
the bartender goes IS THAT HAROLD
I’m enraged, I wring his neck and throttle him. I yell “SO MUCH FOOD”
I tell him to spit it out. It doesn’t matter that I won’t eat it. Just, the principal. That was my salmon, motherfucker…
He does. It’s not enough for me. The rage has taken over
I yell “SO MUCH FOOD!”
the bartender comes over, we start clobbering him on the head, it’s almost mean, but it’s also slapstick. It feels like slapstick.
Paul Rudd comes over
He goes “IS THAT HAROLD? DID HE DO IT AGAIN?”
The bartender goes “YEAH!”
Paul rudd goes “DAMMIT HAROLD!”
somehow, he produces three empty bottles
we all whack him on the head at the same time
they shatter, like it’s sillyglass
I wake up now
IRL I literally say “SO MUCH FOOD!”
I realize the egg sammich with mozzerlla, collard greens, and refried beans with lemon are right next to me
I scarf it down as I realize it was aaaallllll a dream.