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So, the fitness thing is a big personal boon to myself.    This is for me, but I’ve noticed that light workouts (I consider ’em maintanance) have me feeling more like a kid again.  We’re talking elevated mood, sitting up straight, pleasure from things like music, increased focus.

 

One of the lessons I liked from the guy I worked for in lab – he’d always get deep and angry and gruff and goes “Studies with feedback loops are stupid as they’re stupid things that don’t show causation….you haven’t proven if an increase of X leading to an increase in Y is caused by Y being an underlying mechanism for X”

 

In this case (oh gawd, I actually want to say ergo)

I can’t know if an increased mood and that inherent good stuff is making me work out more, or if working out is increasing the good stuff, cause they’re related.

But I do, the drama of last year almost wore me down, but one of the things about me is this: I’m very stubborn.  However, things that do wear on you do take away from your faculties and resources, and that inherent good stuff. And, waking up and having it in me to dwell on them….that’s part of being human.  When ish goes down, it’s natural to want to confront it, your brain sees it as a problem and wants to attack/fix it.  And when it’s not yet resolved…I think it’s natural to have that in the forefront of consciousness.  But deciding to do 15 minutes of basic exercise, getting a heartrate up….I can recognize consistently — by the time I sit down, I’m feel even better; I feel even more at peace about the rest of my day, I feel more resilient, happy, and like making jokes.  Like the stupid stuff is even more little than it was before I started.  Even more petty, and not worth putting extra energy in.

Maybe I’m in a better mood due to better news I’m earning my way that goes far outside the realm of a little work out here and there, but I know this deep in the warm fuzziness of the warm fuzzy corners of my soul — these little work outs go far beyond themselves. They add up too.

I don’t think it’s in my disposition to be a truly depressed person, but I don’t think I’m perfectly immune from the effects that some crazy people can have.  I am however, pleased to say that it’s not part of my character to just sit about it, and that makes me feel good about myself, and no one and nothing short of losing all my limbs can take that away, and I really like that.

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