Uh, what a time.

There was a period where I wanted to post about dumb nice little things, like how the day after last post I went 4-1 in creed.  There were a couple of days where I was all about the sweat that that and other vr games broke, or how I’ve really started to get my cardio back by working it how I want to on the regular. But really, 2020 though.

“Oh my god, there’s like, a trigger warning. If you don’t like other people’s perspectives and need to exist in like, a safe echo chamber then please fuck right off.  Also if the word fuck offends you like, please don’t read this. Ok guys, like, omg right now. I like, can’t. Black people matter, you know?”


No, seriously, this America thing does get to me. I thought our country was going to be great and stuff, but I found yesterday really exausting.  Ahmed Aubery scares me because the video speaks for itself, and instead of agreeing on that and considering the kid’s family, some people are speaking from their ass.  Within the span of about a minute that kid, who I think is guilty of doing something I am too — running for the running’s sake — is good as dead.  And I already posted one of my experiences/overall stances about cops being a little too gung ho on ethillery.com….. (the bottom line is that so many instances would’ve de-escalated if there was mutual respect.) And then Floyd happened.

Maybe it’s because I’m just tired of it, but this is one of those rare times that I’m ambivalent about the scope of an issue: On one hand, I do think it’s just hot. I think people have gotten cooped up, and then spoon fed shit, so now everyone wants to engage in riot puking.  On the other hand, i think there are systemic issues, and videos of actual murder, because 4 minnepolis pd’s strangling a guy to death with their hands literally in their pockets as they do it – and the guy did not seem like a monstrous brother the entire time he was, you know, dying – well those murder videos shouldn’t result in casual conversations outside which defend the tragedy.
And I agree with one part of what Trevor Noah spat out in one of his rando videos: people tilt when a social contract is invalidated.

I don’t believe – more than that, I know – if I did that, even if I wasn’t the initial aggressor and felt it was self-defense, that’d be reckless endangerment and probably manslaughter if not murder charges at least, because it’s excessive force.

And uch.  This is the low hanging fruit. We’ve been pushed indoors because of a plague and then log online to see what’s up, find some video about the stir and then we’re swept up in being fed up. Because now this;


or this


just a van that’s been cocktailed, because batman, then a colored senator being pepper sprayed during what was supposed to be a peaceful demonstration just a few blocks away from my mom and L.  That there is a spot I walked by every day on the way to high school.

(Fuck I just turned into that old man, didn’t I.)

It’s not just fear that’s created actions that’s resulted in so much anger that’s getting increasingly violent. Fuck that Yoda premise, the real issue is that these altercations a predicated on disrespect.
Those fucking hicks who decided to protect dere turf with a gun and shot aubery? They didn’t have the respect to actually understand what the kid was probably doing (just putting one foot in front of the other…)  There isn’t a respect that comes with the presumption of possible innocence/decency. And there IS clearly a lot of that respect expected in abundances for those who’re blue, and much more often there is that respect when you’re not an outsider, and more often it helps to be white to not be an outsider.

I feel that all of the above is correct. I’ve had a few decades to sway to different point of views, and maybe I’ll have a few more so I’m still paying attention.

But, also bowguy.  The mob. Uch.

It’s one of those times again where there’s a spectrum of where people lay on the issue, and the extremes are objectionable, and getting louder.

You know that above photo with the van on fire? I read that two dumb insane twits from the catskills were arrested for doing it…. the catskills, and because internet, I saw their photos.  If they’re the ones culpable, I have some issue with that.

You could make a few generalizations about the catskills, but one of them is not that the nypd goes there and shoots black people….because they kind of can’t. That’s especially hard for a few reasons, so that pisses me off.  And things being close to home, during a fucking plague….

It also feels like the national dialogue has decided to take a sidequest at a rather shit time.  And part of me feels shame for calling it a sidequest, because I know stuff is happening now.

I just want people to question how they’re not respectful (not “how can white people ask themselves how they’re racist” what a fucking stupid and twisted premise) because it prevents a whole lot of this mess. I also …well let’s put it this way.

I have littler things in my experience book like being followed in stores. Yes that pissed me off, and it also kind of bugged me too when my blond / blue eyed friend just figured he didn’t want to go one either because the deals weren’t very good after I let him know it happened. More recently I’ve watched Jaidree get followed in stores by a stupid kid who was told to do so in another language, before proceeding to do it stupidly and obviously. The post on one of my other sites is not my only incident with bs policing. Yes I’ve had to wonder if a shitty interview that seemed to have no shot of getting off the ground was due to myself not looking like I fit some mold…..most of this doesn’t result in chronic anger or anything like irrational remorse (while watching these kill-videos sure seems to have an impact that approaches that…) Part of why not is because, I’m still going to be ok. Part of why not wallow in it all the time is because that would mean giving up all the good things in my life that make me feel ok with the capabilities of human civilization. For me, doing much better than wallowing in it means possible oppression didn’t define my existence.

And yet, most of all, another part of why these incidents don’t define my relationship to society is because because I’m able to identify that these isolated incidents were with especially stupid people.

And yet another part of that is because I think it’s outrageous if I couldn’t somehow work my way out of a shit situation.

But I guess sometimes it’s just outrageous, and that’s reality, and that’s why people are outraged.

Like I’ve said more than once, we’re all a victim of something, but those few instances don’t define an entire lifetime.  That’s a big point I think, they just set the parameters, and other people’s experiences just help inform what’s possible.  I guess it’s good there’s outrage as to what’s possible.  It’s very good in a sense.  But that also depends on a lot, and the timeliness…it’s just shit.

I’m done jerkoff soapboxing, and I hope I’ll be done being tired of the news soon too. Yesterday I read headlines about some new ebola outbreak of a new strain and just went, “Yeah not now.”

Mean it when I say I hope people stay safe.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s