One time at UB I was taking this “Love and Intimacy” psychology class because it fulfilled a requirement, and at night, and who would find this uninteresting? I was in lab-boy mode most often at this time. This meant being a little more awkward, and assuming that everyone was most interested in what a book said and how said book could be added to.

The class unfortunately discoursed a bit like cosmo articles. Cherry picked correlations with well-intentioned advice. It wasn’t the woist, but it didn’t have the intimidating rigor that some of the neuroscience classes did. Anyone with a good heart could guess this stuff and not fail.

And the instructor was making a class fun by having a “True or false” and the class was supposed to say true or false together, and then the census would be checked by the “right” answer.

One of the questions was “Women can experience two kinds of orgasms.”


And this class that was predominantly women gave mixed responses, that much was clear. I said “false…”, and that got a little washed out in the mixed review. But what wasn’t washed out was when I continued my sentence with “there are three.”

So essentially

Professor: “True or false, women can experience two kinds of orgasms”

Quarter of class: “True”
Me and different quarter of class “False….”
My dumb ass alone: “…. there are three.”

So there’s a pause and the whole room is looking at me. In my head I’m like “that sounded really confident. Shit. Why did I said that. Shit, I think I read this somewhere. Wasn’t it like *is sure of two kinds but not the third* shit here it comes”
There are like 2 other guys in the whole class and I’m getting many sideways looks.

Lecturer clicks next, and slide reads something along the lines of:

“FALSE! Research has shown that women can have three kinds of orgasms. Including [*insert some stuff you can google*]”

Teacher lady goes “Eric, I am a woman and I don’t know how many orgasms a woman can have so I want to know how you might know…”

At this point I was trying not to blush and heard myself completely go from badass to asshole by saying “Ask your mother.”

And I don’t think she heard me because she started saying, “but I can’t date my students! I can’t date my students!”

I think we were both trying to be funny. And if we were succeeding, maybe it wasn’t in the way we wanted to be funny.

Anyway, no I did not get lucky with any person in this class as a result of this story, but one guy thought I was cool and offered me drugs about a week after — because college.

The End


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