A week and a half ago, after playing basketball with some officers, I met up with a girl I saw for a hot minute this year. I think she wanted to gauge and feel me out. Let’s be honest, sometimes the memories you leave behind make an eternal space.

I could go into the infinity reasons why but I’m getting really into fitness. Part of it is trite, some of it is even petty, but also most of it is not. But I’ve always been driven like this….way I see it, there was just a period where I was filling other unsatisfactions with known copes such as a big relaxing meal. Food nurtures good company. And after coviding and being a bit dissatisfied with home life, yeah, food fills.

And she we had what we had before this too.

And there’s a lot more that’s changing. Work, compared to where I was a year ago? Not even the same ballpark. I have a team. In practice at the office, I say our team because that’s righter, but I could say my team. And it’s great, and it’s part of a wider team. Let’s put modesty aside: my leadership is demonstrable and skilled and talented. For the most part, I. Feel. Successful. And. Grateful.

So…smaller roles….capable, but less capable….apt to settle….apt to diminish how I feel in the long term for cool short terms…..that’s not me anymore. Not my life.

And I love that.

So I sat down with this qt. And I wanted to gauge her too. We fell out because the communication wasn’t constructive and I wouldn’t say that’s on my end. And she was still gorgeous.

We haven’t talked yet but I appreciate that she’s there and reached out and my smile is nothing but genuine.
I say hi, and I haven’t yet taken off my jacket and she doesn’t yet know I’m a different composition constitution and shape now and that’s ok too.

And I smile and crack a joke.

And she looks genuinely confused.

“Your voice changed.”

“Did it?”

I’ve been feeling for months now that it has, but I’m 37. That doesn’t make sense.
Is it psychological? Did I get a cough that never fully reverted? Because I agree, I’ve felt like it has.

I hear it differently in my head at least.

“Why has your voice changed?”

“I finally hit puberty.”

“Huh?”

“I guess my balls just dropped.”

This is one of those jokes that’s loosely rooted in reality. It’s funnier when I don’t spell it out.