Some people interpret being nice as “let me walk over you harder.”

These people should be cats.

No it’s not the boobs.

It’s the responses, lookie there.  Not every site is like this, but CNN makes this clear.  You see how there’re likes (I dunno either) but then HAHA and ANGRY emojis?

So what, out of 450 people, not one of them is, as the Don would say, SAD?  (I was sad for yet more muck about the good ole national identity – am I the only one?)

Are other people MAD because of the victim
and other people haha’d about the victim-blaming?

And all the smart people (note: not me) diddled their brain-thingies elsewhere? I hope so.

If this’s the case, it’s an echo chamber in a nutshell.

I just don’t care about video games anymore!

I’m not sure if it’s….a diminishing sense of megalomania….or because I got tired of the environment in which I play ’em….or change in other habits….or the fact that it’s kind of a lot of trouble to find the right people to get bewitched with….

but really, I just want to clean this fucking ms.  I want to watch some good shows and movies at the right time.  And I want food.  I still want to browse social media too much (and I’m not even sure if it’s that I want to or have an echo of a habit) but I’m just….meh

I was playing divinity 2 – GREAT game – but it just seems like a lot of trouble to become the god ascendant.  I LOVED it until I killed the in-game equivalant of a lich a couple weeks ago (TOOK ME 6 HOURS – fuck playing on ez mode) but then a funky thing happened

I got all this sick loot and gained a level or two, and since, I started ploughing through the game.  Every encounter since was too easy.  I keep finding stuff I wouldn’t want to use but know I should, but regardless….ploughing through the game got a LOT less fun.

I think the fun of these rp games are immersion, a little getting my ass kicked and feeling like I NEED to get better to continue.  Right now, I definitely, 100% feel that with my manuscript.  There’re so many mmos that when I think about playing them, I immediately think about grinding.  I guess I could enjoy something reflexive, but finding the time, dedicating that energy so I can go “hahah, my digital moves did more digital damage than you did to me….digitally”

meh!

Maybe my times they are a changing.

There’re some fear centers in my brain a-tingling, and they make me feel a little alive.

Other urges are going up and down too.

It’s like I’m not 25 anymore, or something.

Anyway, I’ve learned that life where you’re not worried about something isn’t….well it’s not my favorite! I also hate fear, but it’s part of our make up.  I also think something’s died inside, or I just truly don’t care a whole lot if something can’t worry or threaten.

That’s all I’ve got to say for now.  Apparently one other thing I fear is fucking up my chance to sell Disjuncture by not working hard on it, and there’s definitely something I can do about that!

Here’s hoping all readers are healthy, and if not, getting healthier.

Real talk: I’m realizing more and more that one of the hardest aspects of parenting is balancing a parental bias, with hope, the urge for your kid’s highest, craziest ambitions to be realized, and having to put their negative traits in check before they become a lifelong pattern of shooting themselves in the foot. I guess I’m saying the urge to stand up for your kids can sometimes clash with the wisdom to stand up to them, and it can be quite a balancing act.

Anyway, what’s all this hubbub about how the family unit is the foundation of a great country, when it’s obvious that good parenting is the most important, most challenging thing of all?

Real talk: I’m realizing more and more that one of the hardest aspects of parenting is balancing a parental bias, with hope, the urge for your kid’s highest, craziest ambitions to be realized, and having to put their negative traits in check before they become a lifelong pattern of shooting themselves in the foot. I guess I’m saying the urge to stand up for your kids can sometimes clash with the urge to stand up to them wisely, and it can be quite a balancing act. What’s all this hubbub about how the family unit is the foundation of a great country, when it’s obvious that good parenting is the most important, most challenging thing of all?

https://aeon.co/amp/essays/all-real-living-is-meeting-the-sacred-love-of-martin-buber

First three paragraphs might be worth skipping.  The rest? Not so much.

And theeeeen

You know, normally I take a bullheaded or lax side on a controversial issue that is my own.  Usually, it’s the former, and usually, I acknowledge that there’s a reason for the controversy, and that my opinion is just that, and just that I’m probably not wrong.

On gun control. I don’t feel that way.  This isn’t controversial.  This is stupid.

And to frame myself clearly, I love guns. I’d never want to destroy the ability of someone who has lots of land to safely shoot in their backyard those fortunate times they’re possible. Gun ranges sound recreational AF. Guns are one of the developments that’ve impacted human history more than almost any other. I can respect and sometimes even appreciate the ability to shoot and kill. I’m proud to be a heck of a marksman, and I’ve got family who hunts regularly, and while dead animals strike me as a more morbid trophy than a piece of paper full of holes, I don’t hate on them for it.

But it goes farther,

I’m also strongly in favor of gun control, and think you’re a fucking idiot/nut if you’re not.

And let me make one more thing clear because saying that last line, often immediately makes some brains go into stupid: gun control means controlling how people get guns.
And America already has some gun control, it just varies by state. It’s also extremely, extremely lax in every state, compared to most of the modern world. And I’d be for tightening gun control legislation in most states, because I think it should NOT be more difficult to acquire and use a useful thing like a car, more than a gun.

To argue that people want to “Take away guns” is to argue like an idiot. It goes no where. Smart people don’t want that, and the smartest people know that’s impossible, and WILL leave guns in the hands of the crazies.
No. Not the solution.

Anyone who tries to frame anyone who thinks legislation should be tightened on guns as someone who wants to disarm and take your right to defense away, is arguing like a shill. They’re arguing like someone who do better to stfu, and listening.

So with that said, it’s time for some facts.

There’s an organization that’s awarded “Brady scores” – and those are evaluating how strict a state’s gun control legislation is. There’s a fast pamphlet summary thing here:

Click to access Brady-State-Scorecard-2015.pdf

And, here’re the top ten states with the strictest set of gun laws, they are:

CA, CT, MA, NJ, NY, HI, MD, RI, DE, IL

Now, here are the states with the LOWEST rates of gun murders per 100k citizens, according to https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Firearm_death_rates_in_the_United_States_by_state (and I’ll put the one’s mentioned just above in CAPS LOCK) :

HAWAII, MASSACHUSETTS, NEW YORK, CONNECTICUT, RHODE ISLAND, NEW JERSEY, new hampshire, minnesota, CALIFORNIA, iowa.

This seems to imply, strongly, that the harder it is to obtain a firearm, the less likely people are to be shot by them. That’s a good thing.

Now, the states with the HIGHEST rates of gun murders are:

alaska, louisiana, mississippi, alabama, arkansas, montana, wyoming, okalhoma, new mexico, and tennessee.

And if you want to check, you can see the reverse is true.

Next:

There are also people who believe that guns stop violence. Yet those rates seem to be 3%.  You can look up bullshit sites like https://www.gunowners.org/sk0802htm.htm which declares from a (FAKE) peer reviewed, bullshit, 1995 “study” concluding absolute untrue garbage like 2.5 million violent crimes are stopped by guns a year and etc, etc, etc, that’s so wrong. It’s part of that firehosing rhetorical “technique” that if you can read the way through it without questioning what you’re reading, you’ve been effectively been made dumber. There’s not even that much crime in the country if you include traffic infractions. This type of “everyone should have a gun” propoganda is bullshitted. It should send people’s “common sense” detectors tingling.

Simple google searching will go to show how often my trend of “increased ease of accessibility of guns leads to less responsible or more psychotic gun use dur hur” is right.

This isn’t controversial.

I’d like to know how states with those tough “urban” areas associated with street crime — you’ve got former mob controlled counties like in A.C., NEWARK, southern chi-town, you’ve got other areas like the bronx, LA, santa cruz, etc – and those those states have much more reasonable rates of gun homicide compared to alabama, or alaska, which has legislation that’s comparatively REALLY lax.

Further, look at other countries. New Zealand’s vetting process for awarding a gun license is MUCH more diligent and strict than anywhere in my country, and their violent homicide rates are way better.  Look at how often friendly fire happens in gun liberal regions. Then, compare that to areas that have offered to “buy back your gun” like Massachusetts, or countries that have disarmed like australia. (ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT PEOPLE IN RHODE ISLAND NEED GUNS MORE THAN PEOPLE IN THE OUTBACK?)
Then, look at areas where guns are rampant.

The gun nut argument (not pro-gun, the GUN NUT) seems to be a juvenile, man-childish “BUT I IS THE HERO HOW DARE YOU TELL ME I DONT HAVE THE RIGHT TO DO HEROIC THINGS”

What if I told you: more violent crimes stopped by citizens are stopped with knives and bludgeoning weapons than guns?

Here’s my point.  It’s not that “guns in the hands of citizens against citizens cause more harm than good” (although it also is)

It’s that if you look beyond any possible personal frustrations, and if you look at specific states gun control laws and don’t think they could be improved — that that would lead to more responsible gun usage in the hands of more responsible people – then you’re blindly ignorant.

You’re simply being ignorant.

Again, this isn’t controversial. Guns are tools that kill effectively, little else. That’s why murder rates go up when they’re prevalent. Reasonably collected data supports that. This makes grandstanding about “the right to bear arms not being infringed upon” seem fucking stupid. Grandstanding about how we have to be able to stand up to the government is crazy (your ar-15 is gonna do what against an army of drones?) I’d also love to know what kind of criminal underworld is trying to ravage your life if you need one to feel safe, because I think it’s worth bringing attention to again, friendly fire.

It’s just so easy to shoot down extreme gun nut arguments, but I suppose they get horded in the mind of people who’s lives exist in tiny collectives that gets into an “us vs them” mentality that gets ignorant.

Gun control means responsibly licensing, and making it just difficult enough to get guns that scary people have them less.

There are apparently people who think that if the government gave out a gun to everyone over 18, and 8 bullets, that violent crimes and mass murders where all types of people are culled, would decrease.

That’s amazing to me.

Last note: America is silly enough that words stop meaning what they mean. You can’t say a thing like “in areas that allow firearm possession liberally, gun related deaths are the highest” without confusing people.

There was this cool shrink, Carl Jung.  One of the biggest concepts that came from him was the shadow.  The shadow is an extension of the ego.  If you look at the ego as the focal point of your consciousness, and especially as a sort of moral regulator, then the shadow is supposed to exist subconsciously, and is the fall-out of all that regulation.  The shadow becomes those darker networks of reasoning and perception beyond the ego’s scope.   If you hate the idea of being physically lazy, your shadow darkens over those moments when you give yourself permission to be physically weak. Perhaps it doesn’t let you see that you actually have given yourself permission to be physically weak – again, it’s beyond your consciousness, and not brought to light.

In real life, if forward is defined as towards a source of light, we almost never pay attention to our shadow.

When this concept’s brought up as some sort of popular idea

(best example)

it’s usually more associated with negative things.  Anger. Violence. Grief. Hurt. Selfishness. Things we rationalize.  Things we respin.  But easily, we could have all been raised in strange ways that put things in this theoretical shadow. Sometimes we raise the young so that they’re not too generous or nice, parents might overteach something to protect their kids from being taken advantage of, this happens with almost all of us. But in this way, we can learn to identify reasonability, kindness, warmth, masculinity or femininity with the negative.  We can put that in the shadow too.  No you’ve never had a moment of same sex attraction, look at the disgust it brings.  Hell no don’t even listen to their point of view, that’ll mean you’re rolling over again, you weak-ass pushover.  No you weren’t a selfish twat, you did that because it helped X.   Sure you cheated, just like everyone cheats. Sure you got angry and punched a hole in the wall, but it is normal to be angry when someone Y’s your Z.

Are we defense mechanisming, yet?

There is an idea of shadow work that I sort of suspect ALL assholes and dicks have done, or do regularly.  (It kind of comes with the territory of being able to self-identify as someone who can be an asshole or dick.) And I think shadow work used to be a much more popular term before the 90’s.  There’re characters in pop culture who wholly embrace their darker side whom we love (Dexter, Darth Vader, Rocket Raccoon are popular ones) who do shadow work constantly, without calling it that. Shadow work is really self-awareness combined with self-analysis, and evaluating our permissions settings.

And for myself, I’ve realized pride can and has made me a little dumb to bad things I’m doing, or rather, things I could easily do much better, or give a response that could mature way harder.

I’m just making this up, but good questions to ask ourselves seem to be along the lines of “Something I admire most about myself is _____”   and “Something I’d change most about myself is _______”   and “I wish I ______ more” and “I wish I ______” more.  Should reveal lots about anyone’s ego and the values behind it.

I don’t need to get all full-detailed on a big blog, but I certainly do myself a favor to recognize I’ve had a few authority figures in my life who gave me LOTS of options to decide what I do and don’t give myself permission to live by.  Lots.  As in, so many perspectives.  The sucky thing about being sentient is, we usually don’t consciously choose these values.  More often than not, we don’t.

There’re reasons some of us prioritize not being physically ugly more than others, and it has less to do with how aesthetically hot we actually are.

Under my dad’s wing, I was more likely to try to get to an intellectually designed result than say, next to Jaidree’s influence, who makes me feel much more like being a benevolent mammal is just correct. (Let’s just say, some scientists have to crush some of that benevolence, or rationalize it super hard to excel in their field.  They’re sometimes exclusive.) Both of these put different ideas in my head as to what impulses are ideal, and which ones to be somewhat hypocritical about. Both of those influences, without me understanding myself, can lead me to be a little more neurotic — again, unless that understanding happens.

There’s personal value designation too.  You can consciously evaluate people and weigh how they feel to you, you can dissect that person’s personality and see what rubs you the right or wrong way and if it should. I suppose you can also live in a vacuum and constantly meditate on what you think you think is ideal. That might work too.

But what I think is most useful, is thinking about your REAL tendencies and reactions
Your REAL wants
and what you recognize as your ideals.
Whatever is your ideal, look at the negative and see if maybe there’re times you act on hypocrisy about those ideals.  Give yourself permission to be imperfect, give yourself permission to be a learning individual, and see if maybe you could have given a better response.  For example, I actually like violence.  I’m never violent against people (because that’s dumb) but I sure like my punching bag, I sure like learning about it, I sure like some of it in fiction, or my games.  I like violence. I just temper that against other values too, like a normal person.

But if I was in denial, if I was all “I am absolutely not violent!” not only might that help me be a coward or twist events in all sorts of ways which’ll suck, but it’s also a step towards saying anything that escalates to violence is bad. Heck, let’s say my force of denial gets so powerful that I never check it, and that gets twisted into “if anything, I’m always positive!” which eventually puts me into the territory of “Anger is bad.”
Well, you know what happens when you don’t give yourself permission to be angry, ever? Bullshit.  Lots of bullshit, that’s what.

I feel the same way about profanity.  People who think they’re too good to use profanity? Watch ’em.  I’ll bet you 20 bucks that they profane something.  It’s part of human nature to evaluate something with contempt.  I think this’s probably why it can feel damn therapeutic to let yourself give out a few fucks.

All I’m going to end with is, I think it’s extra important to think about these permissions in times of high pride.  For me I’m sending query letters to agents again.  I take that seriously, which means pride comes into play.  These permissions affect what I’m able to see in the work.  I’ve also got to manage property strangeness in tough times with tough people.  Again, pride.  Pride can make people full of their own virtue, but it can make ’em full of their own bullshit too.  It can make that shadow 10x longer.  It can make your subtle permissions that much more important.  It can make your self-awareness help you, or a shroud over it screw you that much harder.

I knew making wikipedia my homepage was the right move 🙂

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bobbie_the_Wonder_Dog