hai blah blah blah

Made a change in my life yesterday that feels joyous, right, and, also a lil funny. Don’t want to get into it, or explain it more than that right meow. It’s one of those things where taking self too seriously can be bad, or get in the way of the whole point.  But it IS also one of those defining decisions that’ll forever alter memory what I feel capable for and what happens. Proud for being able to do what I have, and don’t want to gloat – it’s new for me, and I don’t want to make a target out of it or fuck up what I take seriously.  Life, is interesting, often phenomenal, and hell yeah.

loving this song – the rhythm, the vibe, the video – but feel the exact opposite of its lyrics:

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cl2D7J_FL_U]

Snuck away from good company on saturday to go into work because there was a new project I was asked to give a hand in.  You know, kind of feel ‘appreciated’ only as a work-horse at this firm – as in I’ll do digitally meticulous stuff fast, hard and skillfully, but not asked to drive or make the better decisions when people who wanna run things are trying to run things.  But I should be.  After I saw that expected output was in the thousands, something in my gut said it’s possible and I figured out how to automate a process in excel using 4 vlookups (A VLOOKUP, INTO A VLOOKUP, INTO A VLOOKUP), a mass-export, concatenation, and a macro with SQL that eliminated leading spaces to make the cross-referencing cleaner and better refined.  The second it worked I did my mad scientist cackle and hoped the day’s metrics were fucked because the moment I popped the formula down my productivity rate went into the thousands while others were in the 40’s. Even spent 20 minutes to write a short guide and made sure that people who should know did, that the entire thing we’ve been called in for might possibly be done by one smart person who’s proficient with the firm’s specific templates and good with excel. This felt great and it’s strange to me that trying to go above and beyond is also cause to be nervous. But who gives a fuck, genuinely smarter work. Think I’ll have the entire thing done tomorrow.

Then, home, and we + my roof + sun, you know, life isn’t a bad thing. Of course it isn’t always 100% positive, but if you do it right, and you pay attention to what’s actually beautiful, and towards what you want to actually appreciate and excel at, if you cut out the crazing desire that breed hate, life is a great, great thing. Yes it’s sad some of us have it way better than others.

But chances are if you’re reading this, you have it not so bad – pretty good even.  My belief?  Some are happier fighting for what they want  – chances are one WONT win all, but it’ll show what’s worth having, and you’ll be able to move on knowing you gave what you had. But you take responsibility to pursue your own happiness, when you’re against odds – and odds are that you aren’t a happy American cause individual happiness takes a lot of thought for most of us – it turns into a battle. However, once you get lil bits of it, those turn into wins, and maybe you’ll see the best victories are the ones really worth having. (Plus the peace time that comes afterwards can be that much sweeter if you know you did what you should – that’s where the positive vibes really come.)

Also, pumping music

Also, kung fu.

(I also still like having chucked that guy.)

Bye now!


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