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Proposals aren’t easy on guys. Like it’s a great problem to have, but I didn’t want to have a standard story.

So last Tuesday I picked up the ring but told her I was going to petco. I’d also planted the seeds that I wanted more water conditioner a few days in advance, by doing REALLY CLEVER stuff, like saying, “Man, I should buy more water conditioner!” on the Sunday. And then, “crap, too late to go out now I’ll pick some up tomorrow.” Ah yes. You can take it from me, a master deceiver, that no one — even me — was the wiser.

I did actually go to petco too. While there, I took a picture of a great looking oto and texted it with the caption “OMG A SHINY OTO LOOK AT IT.” This was to succesfully annoy her. Then at petco I asked the guy to give me a bag of water. He looked at me like I was a goddang weirdo. I told him I’m also buying water conditioner and I want to test it first. He kept looking at me like I was a goddang weirdo. I smiled and told him I’m kidding, but I’m about to (maybe) get engaged and want to put the ring in the bag and pretend it’s a fish to surprise her. He still kept looking at me like I’m a goddang weirdo, but he also finally gave me the bag. I paid and went home. Before I went upstairs I put said ring in said bag.

This is the moment that’s quite scary.

At home she saw I had a bag with what looked like ANOTHER swimmer and I went “THIS ONE’S REALLY COOL.” and went into my fishroom/office. I heard her sigh, but she also likes seeing the swimmers so, she came in. I put the bag on my desk and went “So….I got that water conditioner.”

“Uh huh…..”

“And, also, I got a new shiny…”

and then I got on the knee.
Oh man. I wish I had a video of her eyes. The bag had like a liter and a half of water, and the ring is something I can put a lot of pride behind, but it’s like….not so obvious in a big bag — trust me, a fish that wasn’t sunken to the bottom would be easier to ID. But she still sees that I’m genuflecting and starts freaking out. Like she was looking at me, the bag, me, for an escape route, then the bag again, within 3 seconds.

“Wait, are you serious right now? WAIT. Is that a fish. THATS NOT A FISH. OMG ARE WE DOING THIS.”

After about 2 minutes I had to go “So …..yes?” because I’d been kneeling / holding for a long while and the bag was getting really heavy. I hadn’t factored that part into my plan, so, isometric work out was me.

She said yes, and minutes later her fitbit went off because her heartrate was so high it thought she’d just had a work out.

It’s been as much of an eye opening experience for me, as anyone. I don’t even want to detail it further than that, but having a new f-word in my vocabulary is enrichening. I was technically wealthier before we did this, but it sure doesn’t feel that way.

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