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A vague post that’s actually about 3 different things that’re all unsmart to blog about

Maybe I shouldn’t consider a universe where I expect to encounter many who’ll constantly populate my existence in a significant and sparky fashion. Looking back and around can make me out to be one of those people who whine that people expect you to either be a certain way, and then disregard you in the ways that’re important when you’re not.

Like most peepow, I lose respect, appreciation, and lurv in the face of a negligent amount of appreciation, lurv and respect. Especially if they stem from insecurities and anxieties that shouldn’t have been nurtured.

And I mean the part about insecure anxieties. Cause at the moment, right now, all my points about people who act on their anxieties and insecurities in a negative, selfish way without trying a more constructive reach-out, first, seem to have barbs in them.

I’m also the best, and think that accommodating less is just batshit dumb-dumb. I’m really fucking tired of making myself available to people who think it’s smarter to be a selfish ice-wielder in the end myself.

That part makes me angry.

Rajeeeeeeeeeeeeev.

I’m gonna love his memory for life.

In other news, Kimbra’s still pretty kew.

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Heh

Chill Eric, you with your smart phone have remained smart

So don’t gush!  Don’t guush!  CUZ YOU WANNA GUSH!  YOU WANNA ELABORATE ON GREAT TRAITS, AND HOW GORGEOUSNESS IS BUT A FINAL COVERING TO TOP OFF ALL THAT YOU WANNA GUSH ABOUT,

BUT DONT

DONT POINT OUT THE GOOD TASTE, THE INNER STRENGTHS, THE HEART THAT IS STILL BLESSED AND SWEETER THAN MAYBE IT PROBLY SHOULD BE, AND THE CONTAINED INNER SQUEAK OF OOH FUN

IT MAYEEE BE FOOLISH

NOT NOWWWWWWWWW-!

Heh

I think I should keep learning how and when it’s best to contribute goodness and peace towards others.

I think that’s something not everyone in my family’s done real real well (which is an excuse folks should work to not make excusing, and I’d hate to be a hypocrite)

And I mean, apparently I’d be real happy to 😀

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You know what I’m noticing?

EVERYONE has some weird ass way of expressing their selves.  And I mean weird-ass in a cool way.

Really, the folks who don’t just buy a bunch of shit and talk about shit they bought.  I feel like they all have some way to express a voice, some specific weird quirky craft that like, those “I will consume and think this is interesting” drives of the brain contribute to instead. I think.

Just sayin’

Also, a personality quirk / probable flaw of mine has also affected the universe in a way that leads to greater sad. I’m actually looking forward to helping a buddy move before tonight’s shindigs to contribute and make some company. That’s like, literally, how you can keep on truckin’

with moving trucks!

har har har

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You ever get someone’s perspective, not really agree with its result, but wanna let them know that they’re still pretty great?

(wonder if I ever have that influence, ever)

Well

I do feel bad, that my message made a friend feel bad, and that I should’ve, and could’ve been more sensitive, and certainly cooler about that.

There were some very bad things that followed that weren’t appropriate, but, I think dwelling further is a shame shame.

Note to self: Being awesome involves making the world more perfect. Like adding to it, which is far more than deconstructing imperfections.

That’s not always wisest (to focus on add goods vs take away bads), but sometimes it is definitely wiser,

and that’s not always easiest,

and sometimes

that’s when its wisest.

I really need to take a breather tho from it.

I also don’t really lurv the latest season of House of Cards, at all.  The first season even did its glitz better.

I think we’re supposed to love following the characters based on the momentum of their initial trajectory? But the one moment Frank seems human and interestingly fascinating, his wife gets super serious and on top of the situation in a way that makes it more, productioney than something that truly resonates as a superhuman situation that I want to follow. You’ll know exactly which scene I’m talking about if you watchit.

I’m also noticing that after a few episodes the voice in my head is pronouncing the ‘h’ in Which and Whip a lot more.

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walp

I do know no one’s perfect

(EVEN CYRRE  :-O )

(Maybe the Caerus character is most perfect – but he’s also got that secret which is like, an excuse)

and that time either widens OR focuses perspective

So that’s why taking a step back after getting real contact (and it says something, to get that) is good

also, beer with friends really does help in having one REMOVE focus, if you do that right

huzzah

and that’s the end of me escalating drama that could make drama a more escalated incident

I’m not sure about the other party, and I still think I might be facing undue villainization in that, a focus on my imperfection and it’s degree is apparently so bs that I’m being punished for it? Hmm

I dunno, really, and, that’s a lil bit of a concern, and it’s upsetting to see a person has rationalized that they can’t be nice to you, and will be withdrawing their self.  To say that you are that person in their life who makes them feel that bad?

Well . . .

I guess I’m getting a taste of my own medicine, honestly, cause I’ve done that harshly to others myself

That’s a truth

and maybe things are too weird to work on any level at all if it applies, so I don’t even wanna talk about it further, and’d like to move forward any which way

Also,

I’m still gonna miss philly willy

who is a jerkface

for moving to texas

which really ain’t sounding too bad!

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Afore I go out!

It’s funny cause it’s true. Gnight all

Elaboration:

I’ve actually been reconnecting with a few people because I temporarily deactivated my facebook account.  And I think the real facebook account I make should be more like a social linkedin, after getting real-published, hard.  (That’s my fantasy idea.)

But I’m getting messages from people I haven’t talked to in a while cause I’m NOT ON FESHBOOK, which I think is ironic, and wanting to know why I deactivated it and you know what?

I logged in yesterday to get that screencap and kind of confirmed that I don’t wanna use this service hard right now, because, not to say friends are vacuous, but, honestly, some of THEIR friends have offensive opinions. And it makes me wanna engage, and, that’s sillypants often, huh?

Here’s what I think plays out – if you’re SUPER INTERESTING on facebook – let’s say you have an outspoken view on a hot issue – you might post a passion on your page.  And then either you get a bandwagon (yey, you win the universe), or, someone pontificates and argues something about it, or, no one cares and people feel like no one’s listening.

And honestly, I feel like the most successful facebookers either completely get their own enjoyment out of their page like a lil scrapbook.  I also think that they DONT post THE MOST interesting things, because if they did, what happens is someone comes in, and argues and shit starts getting talked (my buddy yesterday posts a great article about adjunct professors being underpaid, and it seems like a republican cousin came in to say it’s adjunct professors for being adjunct professors [wuuuut?]) and then people’s feelings (or, mine) verge towards negative.

I hate to say it but I think my favorite facebook is like . . . .my mom’s. (She’s really popular too because arguably, she’s secretly one of the coolest art leaders evar.)

On top of that, you are pumped with news articles that are dumb – kim kardiashian’s butt, literally – and ads that you have to actively consider whether or not it’s “news” or a sponsored ad.  Honestly? I used to spend an hour a day on this shit?

So yeah, I’m a lil done for a bit. My feed makes me either wanna engage, and it’s actually a form of work to scroll through a newsfeed’s slushpile to find things to like

But to clarify, it’s not to say people don’t do it for me.  I just get tired of doing that dance and feeling like I shoulda spent more time doing other things too.

Like this white space!

Because yes, I actually think it’s cooler to scream into a white space anytime you have constructive things to say, more than coalescing likes on facebook.

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I still like this background being white

Walp,

Life goes on.  I’m giving myself permission to be lazy for a couple of hours. My messenger is implying very dramatic things in text tho that’s making me wanna bleed psychology.  Or speculate as to people whispering bad advice. Or something? That’s the nature of speculation tho – I don’t know.

I do still wish I wasn’t pressed as a spoiled ass. Being spoiled isn’t really what drives my expectations or any sense of entitlement . . . .

(And one thing I’ll point out though is my self esteem is a lil higher than to just bitch into that.  All I know is what I’m receiving in response isn’t right feeling, and just weird from someone you regard with friendship. Or as a buddy.)

Anyway,

Oh . . . .white space.

You whitey, whitey, white space.

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Or just like, be harmfully cray at selfish times via text messaging as a limited media of communication! That’s an option too!

/Takes a break to watch some dexter and play hearthstone

I used to never care if my phone was next to me and the world was different then . . .

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