I guess I’m sensitive if people pull my name and actions through mud.

This is a big thing to me in the end. I’ve lost friends from this because I’ve simply felt that they aren’t friends, and cut’em after that couldn’t own up to it within days.

(I’m not saying it’s cool to be whimsical like that either.  That might be sad.)

But it’s a negative behavior, and I’ll not to do it myself, consulting with others with an issue that may or may not have some legitimacy, but telling it with a spin shouldn’t be acceptable behavior. That is shit talking.  It’s different than stating the facts of what a person’s actions are, and making a distinction between your feelings and the events.

That’s how to avoid being like fox news in your daily recap.

I do believe that, true friends should be careful about the names and reputations of their friends. You’re really just a person playing games with other’s interactions the moment you use it to take higher-ground in the eyes of others, and, you’re not on the same team the second you make that distinguishing exaggeration.

E’rrybody, be good.

Eric old chap, you are quite capable of vast verbiage and hitting the send button too soon!

(Its also weird that you prefer a text pad on the phone more than a pen and paper today)

Bads, or dumb-dumbs, (I haven’t decided on my technical term for them yet) make great people more cynical when taken seriously.

I was going down stairs to take the train home today, that’s one of my more liberated moments in the day nowadays, and it was a heavy flow of pedestrian traffic – so the stairs were being laned into people going up and down stairs.  I was in the downstairs lane.  And this kid, probly was about 8, ran up next to some party, right in front of me, and just stood there.  I was forced to stop, couldn’t go left, back, right, and he was just being an oblivious dumb kid.

Now, I’m a suited out 6’4 guy and this’s a busy intersection in nyc and it’s 5 turdy, and this’s a dick-heighted kid who’s too oblivious to realized there’s literally 15 people he’s inconveniencing. So I sternly sez, “Watch it! Watch it!”

This’s someone else’s kid, and I wish that he was being watched better.

Now he sort of gets out of my way, and NOW an older sister pulls him aside, but as he does so he says “YOU WATCH IT.”

And like . . . lol.  I was.  Obviously I’m more aware than this 8-12 year old. But now I’m surprised he’s a turd and this’s his attitude instead of the “Sorry” I would’ve had. NYC ped-traffic rules, kid’s a lil shit.

So I keep walking, because, I’ve gots to get home baby, but I turn to him and go “Are you serious?”

and now HE seems surprised that I’m talking back.  And he looks at me, and FROWNS, it’s almost comical, he FROWNS, so miserably, and goes “YEAH!” that it’s like a pantomime of a kid playing a tough guy. Now I feel like someone’s been teaching him how to be an asshole.

And I won’t lie, now I wanted to thwock him on the head. If this was my kid, I’d have kitty-bopped him. Straight up. But this isn’t my kid, and this’s someone else’s lil bag of poo. And again, I’ve got homes to be babeh 🙂

So I just say “Man, lookit you, you’re SO TOUGH. I’m super impressed.” and I walk on.

And y’know, maybe that was dumb. If I got under his skin, which if we’re being honest here whitespace, I wanted to (go me, I’m trying to get under the skin of an 8 year old. Ain’t I a champ?) I could see that jeer helping him to rationalize being an asshole when he actually IS feeling tough, later in life.

And, this’s part of why I’m crazy, and need the first line of this entry as a pearl of wisdom to apply to all situations: dumb-dumbs make you more cynical if taken seriously.  (And being too cynical makes you a dumb-dumb, cause then no one should take you seriously.) Cause I was actually rewiring my future actions in my head and priming myself so I was more likely to try and teach the kid a lesson rather than jeering, by saying “listen kid, if you wanna act like a lil turd, society will definitely treat you like a lil turd right back.”

But, ya know, on the other hand being able to say the right thing ISN’T as important as say, moving forward.

Cause any new yorker knows, the kid’s a dumb-dumb.

No need to be a bigger dumb-dumb.

Gotta be tough today.

Maybe I shouldn’t consider a universe where I expect to encounter many who’ll constantly populate my existence in a significant and sparky fashion. Looking back and around can make me out to be one of those people who whine that people expect you to either be a certain way, and then disregard you in the ways that’re important when you’re not.

Like most peepow, I lose respect, appreciation, and lurv in the face of a negligent amount of appreciation, lurv and respect. Especially if they stem from insecurities and anxieties that shouldn’t have been nurtured.

And I mean the part about insecure anxieties. Cause at the moment, right now, all my points about people who act on their anxieties and insecurities in a negative, selfish way without trying a more constructive reach-out, first, seem to have barbs in them.

I’m also the best, and think that accommodating less is just batshit dumb-dumb. I’m really fucking tired of making myself available to people who think it’s smarter to be a selfish ice-wielder in the end myself.

That part makes me angry.

Rajeeeeeeeeeeeeev.

I’m gonna love his memory for life.

In other news, Kimbra’s still pretty kew.

Omgersh that’s actually it of nyc him!

Enjoy texas

we’ll always have interwebz

and see you in a few months,

luhyoo!

Chill Eric, you with your smart phone have remained smart

So don’t gush!  Don’t guush!  CUZ YOU WANNA GUSH!  YOU WANNA ELABORATE ON GREAT TRAITS, AND HOW GORGEOUSNESS IS BUT A FINAL COVERING TO TOP OFF ALL THAT YOU WANNA GUSH ABOUT,

BUT DONT

DONT POINT OUT THE GOOD TASTE, THE INNER STRENGTHS, THE HEART THAT IS STILL BLESSED AND SWEETER THAN MAYBE IT PROBLY SHOULD BE, AND THE CONTAINED INNER SQUEAK OF OOH FUN

IT MAYEEE BE FOOLISH

NOT NOWWWWWWWWW-!

Heh

I think I should keep learning how and when it’s best to contribute goodness and peace towards others.

I think that’s something not everyone in my family’s done real real well (which is an excuse folks should work to not make excusing, and I’d hate to be a hypocrite)

And I mean, apparently I’d be real happy to 😀

EVERYONE has some weird ass way of expressing their selves.  And I mean weird-ass in a cool way.

Really, the folks who don’t just buy a bunch of shit and talk about shit they bought.  I feel like they all have some way to express a voice, some specific weird quirky craft that like, those “I will consume and think this is interesting” drives of the brain contribute to instead. I think.

Just sayin’

Also, a personality quirk / probable flaw of mine has also affected the universe in a way that leads to greater sad. I’m actually looking forward to helping a buddy move before tonight’s shindigs to contribute and make some company. That’s like, literally, how you can keep on truckin’

with moving trucks!

har har har

You ever get someone’s perspective, not really agree with its result, but wanna let them know that they’re still pretty great?

(wonder if I ever have that influence, ever)

Well

I do feel bad, that my message made a friend feel bad, and that I should’ve, and could’ve been more sensitive, and certainly cooler about that.

There were some very bad things that followed that weren’t appropriate, but, I think dwelling further is a shame shame.

Note to self: Being awesome involves making the world more perfect. Like adding to it, which is far more than deconstructing imperfections.

That’s not always wisest (to focus on add goods vs take away bads), but sometimes it is definitely wiser,

and that’s not always easiest,

and sometimes

that’s when its wisest.

I really need to take a breather tho from it.

I also don’t really lurv the latest season of House of Cards, at all.  The first season even did its glitz better.

I think we’re supposed to love following the characters based on the momentum of their initial trajectory? But the one moment Frank seems human and interestingly fascinating, his wife gets super serious and on top of the situation in a way that makes it more, productioney than something that truly resonates as a superhuman situation that I want to follow. You’ll know exactly which scene I’m talking about if you watchit.

I’m also noticing that after a few episodes the voice in my head is pronouncing the ‘h’ in Which and Whip a lot more.