BELIEEEEVIN’

I went out to grab some cat food and coffee, and when I came back Jaidree was in the back yard sounding really urgent.  “Hon, can you come out here I think there are some kittens in these bushes.”

And because her tone is so urging, my first thought is “What’s the big deal?” cause strays and ferals are all around the neighborhood and I have my Aminal, but I step outside and immediately,

MEW. MEW. MEW. MEW.  Really crying, desperate, higher pitched than normal mews  And because of how they sound I grab a stick and, lo and behold

2 kittens.  Looked like their eyes just opened and too walk to even crawl right. Tumbling over each other. Lil furballs.

LIKE DEES

This one’s simba. Will upload a katniss and maybe a vid later cause OMGER-EEEEEE

I ❤ how she got all panicky, and it’s umpossible to look these buggers in the eye without melting and going AWEAWEWEAWEAWEO, so, we waited around a couple of hours to make sure momma wasn’t coming back. By the time right before sundown we decided to grab them in the kitty carrier (got formula, bottle feeders, they’re REALLY comfortable together as soon as I put them on top of some downy cushion in the carrier) and I held the white one in a gloved hand I saw she was ashy and dusty and wittle ribs were starved with a distended belly.  Both fell asleep the second they were placed on something that wasn’t the concrete slab that was only protective of sun that we found them on. Yeah, momma hasn’t been around for a while.

I’ll upload pics and maybe a vid later.  The white one has totally gotten much more used to bottle feeding and is more much chill and likes to go to sleep in your in response to belly and head rubs inside a warm paper towel burrito.  The black one is much more feisty and hates being fed, despite the fact that every time I’ve done it she’s gotten stronger and stronger, which to me is proof that she needs it.  I’ve already teared up twice cause they’re so fucking cute and I don’t care, fuck you.  I’ve also gone “EAT IT I LURV YOO” mode as I’m pretty much force feeding the black one until she’s like “OH YEAH! FORMULA! GNOM GNOM GNOM. OK I HATE IT AGAIN BAI NOW WAAAAAAAAA”

I don’t lurv cliches, but the little white one is defiitely more angelic with how much more cooperative and snuggly she is with the black one (who is far stinkier, and despite being an ADORABLE fuzzball I’m afraid definitely needs deworming.)    She likes to talk like a crazy manic fem lesbian who can fly with her own rocket propelled farts (think: Wheeeee!)   The black one is megalomaniacal, and likes to talk in a seething smeagle-like “SOOON H00MON, I WILL GROW BIGGER AND STRONGER AND I WILL DESTROY YOU. FOOL MORTALS, SUMMONED AT THE RIGHT TIME BY MY POWERFUL MEWS, SERVE ME, STOP FEEDING ME, NEO, NEO, STOp, STOp, WHAT IS THAT, DONT YOU KNOW WHO I AM, I AM YOUR GOD, GNAM”     Yes, I just burst out into giggles as I typed that.

I don’t think Aminal takes well to other felines and don’t feel like being a crazy cat guy hosting and narrating acclimating kitty power struggles. Jaidree’s got gerbils and again, unfortunately deworming’s needed at least on the black one, I’m 98% sure, and they’re too young for the stuff we’d get at petco, so we’re gonna have to drop them off at the shelter soon. Originally we wanted to get them homes among friends (was our excuse for taking pics and shit) or at least among people interviewed on craigslist to know our work went to best use, but as they should, parasites scare the shit out of both of us.  Neither of us want mammals getting infected, so, helter shelter I’m afraid.  Still better. And they’re still, so fucking cute.

Pics later. These guys are worthit.

Suzanne Collins is a wonderful thinker and brilliant writer!

(Finishing the hunger games book, enjoying it much more than the movie.)

Today worked out right

Woke up, learned who’s the best, and then we went about our way

And then I’m doing edits, trying to smooth out a complicating transition I know could be done better (31 pages, single spaced.

And like everyone, I get tired after an amount of wordsmithing.  And I reached that point within these 31 pages today.  Instead of question whether the fact that I’m not enjoying this part of revising my manuscript means it just sucks donkey balls and that I’m completely wasting human time, I decide I’m gonna go for a jog, because, 1) I NOW HAVE PURE CAFFEINE and 2) I’ve actually learned this, you don’t try to keep writing or editing after this point.  You’ll make noticable mistakes.  You’ll be faulty.  You’ll rush because you want to reach the end.  And, nah,

So I decide I’ll jog. And for whatever reason check facebook before I go HO! A message

My buddy is in town from Portland (Oregon – not the Maine for road trips one) and just a mile away.  Wants to meet and I decide hey cool I’ll jog there! Say sure, charge music on my phone, check, on my way and

HO!

It’s one of the good guys from JPMorgan, y’know, one of those folks I was thuper thilly for going to happy hour with and, he’s got an extra ticket to the Foo fighters who’s playing at citifield tonight.  Floor seats. I have 20 minutes to spare if I leave immediately. Which means

HO

PERFECT TIMING.

GUESS WHO GOT FREE TIX TO SEE FOO FIGHTERS?  YA, EYE CONTACT DAVE GROHL MANY TAHMS.  Ya, they rock more than your mom and I ever could together.  And now I’m tired. And those guys have more energy than the young.  And, what a hell of a night.  Of a day. Everything fit together.

Ya so this happened

And I kinda still believe everything that’s happened was meant to.  Duh. Happy hours and this guy leaving JPMorgan the way he did (getting axed by a bullshit artist) wouldn’t lead to his having the resources for his growing family today or less importantly, our having the show we did today.  And maybe I’m supposed to be trying my best at my pace for what I’ve said I’m gonna have to dedicate to forever right now.  Maybe everything had to happen the way it did for me to be where, and with whom, and on what, and about, the way I am.

Today ruled.

Bai

More new changes

and I’m feeling pretty good,

James Brown style

ITS SO MUCH WORK!

That’s an acknowledgement.  Not to be confused with a complaint.

80 pages left. I think being my biggest critic is less pleasant, but necessary and gets better results than being my biggest fanboi.  So far, I think it’s working.

Will see after another critical once over, but, just 80 pages.

80 pages.

Life is good.  Learning my version of man. READING. (Yes.) My regular diction is returning.  Good movies and tv and my cat are being fully appreciated. (ANIMAL IS SOMEHOW EVEN MORE PLAYFUL MONKEY LIKE AND CUDDLEY, meaning YES, SHES STILL DA BEST CAT EVUR.) I wanna upgrade my speakers.

GA heads got me into a great shooter Dirty Bomb, and I haven’t had my hands on a game with decent twitch in a couple years now (when Smite is your best game involving reflexes, that’s a problem) and it was a weirdly inspiring way to kill (get it, kill? Oh I kill me) a couple hours.

I’m actually looking forward to a preworkout supplement arriving in the mail today cause I’m weird and want it as a booster.

Foursome road trip to Maine. I might not do all the driving this time, which would mean more book time.

Experiencing all the music again, not just rock.

My new years resolution was to be less negative. There were some major trials to that, but y’know? It’s not too late.  Considering everything faced, and where I am today, I’m kind of up for counting my blessings. Things could be much, much more negative.

Also I don’t think I’m as much into blogging as much as fiction again so, blah blah.  This is where I breakfast and chase my living, and that’s it for this tgif morning.

Heads returning to funky town.

Sleeping like a boss (when I want to)

Jaidree’s smile is like, omgerd, and makes me feel warm and fuzzy to recall.  Not saying to give away smiles, but, those things are powerful.  Hers is also more stimulating than any high score screen I’ve seen, and takes the right things to garner.

I’m walking by places that sell and serve alcohol without being tempted to imbibe a drop. I was getting worried when I was starting to crave dranks.  Of course I would be when I bartend for more than a year and DON’T get said “ooh let’s get a bottle of whiskey” but do when things start to change up.  Seems to be flipping back now. I mean, no doubt. Yo.

I’m also feeling very different than ways I did in earlier 20’s.  That’s just a fact.  Am aware I was a lot crazier about some things – in fact I’m starting to feel like music brought out an insane hamster-workout like drive in adolescents that starts to go away (Imma fight this kicking and screaming) but I’m also much more appreciative of good things too. It’s also just harder to stay hungry. (But I still kinda wanna.)

Long story, just blah blah blah.  Currently, it’s a good world where I’m in my head exactly as much as I want to be and I hope it stays that way.

America got a little gayer and that’s good.  I kinda hope if gay rights just become people’s rights that gay people will just become people.

Got hooked up with comped floor seats to RUSH over the weekend.  

^Peter Dinklage is their new lead singer: fact.

Best I could do was run around to swank dranks to thank brian, intersected by jaidreality, and, let’s just resolve in yesh.

Feeling a little like a younger sprout again at times. Older-smart though? On top of that,  didn’t expect to be enjoying life around town this much. Mine.  Others.

Even a fan of how work’s resolved and still glad I’ve made some of the great weird friends that its events have.

Sometimes a silly happy hour is a glue that pulls in your next future the way it should.

Oh man, I did need another gramm read and it IS important to get your head out of a baby you believe in to get better perspective.  (That’s about disj)

Editing on a mac sucks, but having guy-pals who’ll accommodate and let you use their place as a writer crib are great.  Also really appreciate how intense the story and writing is again (yep, humble is me.)  It’s weird, there’re small notes I didn’t realizecome up in a character’s aspect of something that, hmm.  Hmm!

The grammar needs tweaks, but the story is still solid, except for 4 scenes that need revisions.  I’m identifying content changes that I’ll refine, and there’s some wisdom and dialogue rants (characters pontificate, oops) that need to be cleaned.   Side characters now mean more to me than Cyrre. Action for the sake of action is NOT a main draw – even tho I was intending to use action tension as a device when I felt things got more . . .talkey.  However, I really like the action too, but remain surprised at how that can feel as stimulating as the more . . cerebral stuff right now in novel.

This is edit camp to me. Glad to be here, it’s mine with work that I have to own!  Here’s something else I have to own, haven’t work one this as hard I needed to to make it what it could be, and there are many reasons for that.  The main thing tho is, working hard can be hard to do, and I aint done yet.   This is a story full of of stuffI’d be a big ole butthead to quit hammering away at.  But it’s also like, zombie flicks.  Better to believe in your own judgement cause you can’t try to get all your folks to agree a great zombie flick is great, since, you’re making them watch a zombie flick, and that’s got a lil bit of commercial niche in it.   I’ve been a kid less than a writer in hoping people to appreciate the drive, before. Whoops.

It’s still my manbabeh tho.

(just finished an editing spree and AshyPashy is now providing goods + tuscany wine before chills and I’m excited – can’t ya tell?)

Some people may not appreciate too, and that’s even ok! But I hafta wonder if the one’s who don’t, as if until $$$ing I’m a better use to society being an excel minion when things really could be automated, is cause they don’t understand why the process can be like pushing a boulder carefully uphill while dosed on SO MUCH CAFFEINE and think I’m some sorta trust funded LA DE DAA, INSPIRATION AND ME IS SO GREAAAAT, TRALALALA, TRALALAA.

Rather than interpret their projection of how they’d be if they were in my shoes (I think that’s what’s happening) I’d rather people understand 1) something in me’s hungry, fuck you, and 2) I’ll feel like it’s a big sacrifice and letting something go to waste if I don’t spend the time it takes to do this right or at least know I tried every which way with absolutely zero excuses. Fortunately, last year isn’t a waste, time is manageable, and good folks rule

P.S. On rereading this, why do I have a voice inside that wants to go “Your mom is a boulder to be pushed uphill while on a shitload of caffeine.”